A Funny Thing Has Been Happening Lately...

...and it all started a few days ago, when I brought home a certain new CD. I'd be sitting at the computer, writing away, when from the kitchen I'd hear Brian humming.

Brian: *♪♫ quiet humming ♪♫*

And I'd be all like...

"What in the world...?"

A few minutes later, I'd hear...

Brian: "♫♪...Ohhhhh ohhhhhh....♪♫"

And I'd be all like...

"Is he singing what I think he's singing...?"

As if he were unknowingly trying to answer my question, he would then start singing a little bit louder...

Brian: "♪♪ I like the Remix, baby....Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...♪♪"

And I'd get all silly and giddy and be like...

"Tee hee! He's TOTALLY singing New Kids on the Block right now..."

After a few minutes of belting out the chorus of the Kids' latest single, Brian would inevitably realize what was coming out of his mouth, and, well, his reactions were sort of like...

Brian: "DAMMIT."

And I'd stay sitting quietly in my little computer chair, like...

"...I wonder if he'll stop now?"

Adorably, wonderfully, after a few minutes of silence it would start all over again.

Brian: *♪♫ quiet humming ♪♫*

I just can't help it. Hearing him sing New Kids songs makes me kinda...well...

Stupid Happy.

Addendum: When I finally pointed out to Brian that he'd been singing Remix all the live long day, he looked at me with a totally straight face and said, "What? It's a catchy tune." I may have swooned. Just a little.

Things I'm Loving Lately

After this weekend's somber post, I decided to do something much happier to kick off the week. (I know you're relieved. Truthfully, I used up half a box of tissues just writing Saturday's post. I'm ready to move on to the happy stuff, too.) So, I'm turning to the blogging tool that has been so successful for me in the past. I'm sharing with you a list of the things that are making me smile lately. (If I use it as a tool to turn my frownies upside down, well, that's just an added bonus. Right?)

Things I'm Loving Lately:

1. This house in Kansas:

As it turns out, it was purchased by activist Aaron Jackson, who bought this house just to send a message to their neighbors: the Westboro Baptist Church. A peaceful, and colorful, protest to all the hate speech---I'd say this is a must-visit location to any and all living and vacationing in Kansas. It makes me so happy, I'm not above declaring that if we buy a house with siding, it might just get the same treatment. (Somewhere in a hospital room far, far away, my husband the nurse just collapsed when he read that statement.) Visit CNN to read the entire story.

2. Smash.

I know, I know---I've gushed all about this show here on AbbyGabs before. But the new season started a couple of weeks ago, and I've got to tell you----I'm just as addicted in season 2 as I was in season 1. I know I'm not supposed to like Ivy, but I absolutely adore Megan Hilty, and I'm excited for what's coming up for her character in the episodes to come! For your viewing pleasure, here she is again, as Marilyn Monroe. LOVE.

Sigh. My Broadway tendencies get tickled every time she performs. I really want to be her when I grow up.

3. Lego City: Undercover (for the Wii U)

This game has everything we love: Lego-themed puzzles, fun game play, and silly narration. We simply can't stop playing. The only thing it doesn't have is multi-player...but it's only making us look forward to future Lego games on this new console that much more. My favorite mantra while playing Lego games? BREAK STUFF!!!!

4. Searching the internet for nerdy t-shirts to wear to Comic-Con in July.
Believe me when I say there are a treasure trove of them out there. I've got an entire Pinterest Board dedicated to the subject. Here are a few of my favorites, for your viewing pleasure.

Nyan Cat Meets Doctor Who

Star Trek Awesomeness

The Entire Buffy Gang--The Peanuts Version

5. Remix (I Like The)
Don't throw stuff at me. I know I told you all about how much I love this new video by NKOTB in my last video blog. But someone happened to point out to me that I failed to leave a link to the video on that post, and so I'm sharing it with you here. (Remember--part of this blog is so I have something to look at to make me smile. And this video makes me smile. So there.)


It's not just the hotness of the band in suits, or the fact that the lead in the video is a big girl like me, or the ADORABLENESS that is the dance sequence with Donnie Wahlberg near the end. It's the WHOLE SONG, and the knowledge that I'll get to see them perform it live in T-minus 2 1/2 months, that gets me all giddy and grinny. I can't wait for the album release in April. Yay!!!

Ok that's it. My list of happy things. I've got a few more, but I'm too busy rocking out to Remix and pretending I can sing like Megan Hilty to write any more. 

Twenty Questions, Revisisted

A few months ago, I reached out to my friends, family, and readers, and asked them to submit questions for a video blog. They did, and it turned out to be one of my favorite vlogs I've ever done.

However, there was one friend and reader who went above and beyond the call of duty. The questions she sent me were so fantastic, so funny, and SO PERFECT for Abby Gabs, that I just had to revisit our interview, and post them for you here. Prepare to laugh, because my pal Rachel is one funny gal. 

♥

Rachel: It's said that you turned down the role of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With The Wind because Clark Gable was unwilling to leave you in the final, crucial scene. On her deathbed, Vivian Leigh cursed you for upstaging her at the premiere where this tidbit came out. Tell us... Did she really give birth to a litter of puppies at that event? And what happened to those said puppies?

Abby: I cannot confirm or deny the rumor of puppies, as I was too busy flirting with Gable and wowing the cameras with my authentic 1930s hairdo. Also, I was giggling in the corner with the Doctor, because how else could I have gone back in time to upstage Leigh, without the transportation of the TARDIS?

R: You've been offered the role of love interest in the new Transformers movie. Michael Bay has offered to Photoshop Megan Fox out of the previous movies. Your own love interest, Brian, is a huge Transformers fan. Will these men influence your decision to accept the role?

A: I had originally turned down the role until Mark Wahlberg, Donnie's brother, contacted me and begged me to do it. I don't normally accept roles under those conditions, but as I'm a close, personal friend of the Wahlbergs, I decided to join the cast so I can work with Mark again.

However, I really don't care what Bay decides to do about Megan Fox. She dug her grave, and now she has to lie in it with cast-off copies of her, *ahem*, "movie," Jennifer's Body.

R: We've all seen the made-for-TV movie, That Gabby Abby. It's a required course in 47 of the 48 continuous states' 5th grade education. How does it make you feel that North Dakota refuses to make it a required course as well?

A: I applaud any and all states' rights to create their own laws, so long as it does not interfere with my bank account. Therefore, I will be staging a peaceful protest on the North Dakota/South Dakota border in the upcoming months. There will be cupcakes, people waving signs around, and a New Kids on the Block cover band. I'm working on getting a cameo appearance by Donnie Wahlberg himself, but he still hasn't confirmed the dates with me as of yet. By the time I'm through, North Dakota will adore me, and my film will be forced down the throats of adolescents in the snowy north as well.

R: You're running for President this year. What is your stance on jeggings and should they be illegal?

A: Here is my public service announcement about that very subject.

R: You come from humble beginnings, and yet you decided to turn down Brangelina's offer to give you their mansion in California. Your landlord went on national television to offer to take down the wood paneling in your country flat, but you refused citing his love for '70s wood paneling and your respect for it. This has sparked a trendy design craze for the wood paneling and designers praise you for your bold statement. There are rumors that you'll be using orange shag carpeting in your home next... Are they true?

A: I was high at that television interview with my landlord. Wood paneling sucks. It should be ripped from every wall in America and burned in a giant bonfire. We'll call it an effigy to bad taste and horrible design. 

I don't mind shag carpet, though.

R: When you bought the new iPhone 5, Siri began speaking exclusively to you, neglecting all other iPhone 5 users and forcing Apple to attempt to correct the glitch. Siri responded by detaching herself from the Apple mainframe and becoming the first recorded sentient computer program. She now claims the title of Abby's BFF and there have been several attempts on the lives of other people who attempt to claim the title as well. Do you feel responsible for her actions?

A: Siri can be difficult to read. She tends to have a split personality, especially when asked questions regarding the space/time continuum, when giving directions to Mars, and when fielding that difficult question of which came first, the chicken or the egg. I cannot comment on the attempted murder claim, as my lawyer advises me against it. What I will say is that Siri is great. She is so great. She is, like, the best friend, ever...I swear...

R: A new phenomenon has been sweeping the world. Leading scientists cannot explain why spiders are giving birth to and randomly turning into fluffy bunnies. Some speculate that it is a direct reaction to the revelation in the Broadway musical hit, That Gabby Abby starting Merryl Streep, that you are frightened of spiders. What are your thoughts?

A: To Drs. Hoffstetter and Cooper, who are leading this research, I send you a huge thanks. Spiders give me the willies. And bunnies are adorable!

R: The New Kids On The Block have recently announced a brand new tour. Donnie Whalberg has gone public with his love for you and has even named the tour, "Abby Will You Marry Me?" He regularly Photoshops himself into pictures with you and has blogged about his obsession many times. You have made it very clear that you love and are faithful to your cabana boy, Brian, going so far as to marry him. What advice would you give others with this level of unrequited love?

A: Ah, unrequited love. It's a sneaky, painful, careless mistress. Here are my tips to those who suffer this terrible fate.

1: Be kind. Regardless of your feelings, there are others in the world who would give anything for a kind word from you. 

2: Be cautious over the words that you choose, but don't be afraid to share a little piece of yourself with your fans, just to make their own lives a little more meaningful.

3: Try to refrain from posting too many racy photographs of yourself on Twitter. Sure, it's fun to get the fans all whipped up into a frenzy, but it's taxing on their hearts. Give sparingly, but give.

♥

Thanks, Rachel, for sending me the most creative questions, ever. I hope you are suitably impressed. :)

Summer of Dreams

I feel like I should probably issue an apology to those of you who follow my Twitter feed. Normally, I'm all like "Hey, go read this blog!" and "You guys are awesome!" and "This totally made me laugh!" 

But this past Tuesday, an announcement was made that was so big, so MONUMENTAL, that it changed the course of my Tweeting in a nano-second.

If you were reading along, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If not, here's a quick refresher course:

For those who don't speak hashtag, let me explain a little further. The New Kids on the Block---the band I've been obsessed with since I was 9 years old, dancing around my room in a tutu and tennis shoes---made an appearance on The View. 

That, in an of itself, is reason enough to get me all giddy. But the reality is that they'd been tweeting since before Christmas that there was a BIG announcement coming in 2013. And they did not disappoint. Not only did the group announce a brand new album, hitting stores in April, but they also announced a brand new North American tour!!

And they're not going alone.

OH no, friends and neighbors, they're making this the Biggest Boy Band Lollapalooza in All the Land.

They're taking Boyz 2 Men AND 98 Degrees with them!!!

(Pause for a moment of silence while you peruse the following photo:)

The insanity can be found HERE.

(Children of the 90s, rejoice!)

When I realized I was going to have another opportunity to see the group perform, I sort of lost my mind. Which created an even bigger Twitter monster:

That little snippet was only the tip of the ice berg, people. 

And if you'll notice the second tweet...

Then you'll understand why THIS is the face I've been making since Tuesday:

(I tried making this photo black and white in order to make it less scary. I don't think it worked, though.)

My gal pal, Jenn, jumped on the concert band wagon as soon as I started going berserk on my personal Facebook page. She's been gung-ho to go to a concert with me since we met a few years ago. And she's the perfect New Kids friend, because SHE'S a Joey girl, and I'm a Donnie girl.

So it will work out well when we meet the guys. There will be no competition for our favorite Kid's affections. Right, Jenn?

Anyway, Jenn and I both have birthdays in June, and as it happens, the concert is making a stop in Charlotte on June 19. And guess who's going?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(If you didn't guess Jenn and me, then you're not very good at this game.)

Now for the kismet part of this whole thing. I've only been to one New Kids concert in my whole life. It was in 1990, not too long after my 9th birthday, at the Charlotte Coliseum. I'll finally get to see them again, in 2013, 6 days after my 32nd birthday, at the same coliseum.

GOOSE BUMPS!!!!

With all that excitement in June, I don't know how I'm going to handle the added excitement of attending my very first Comic-Con in July!!!?!?

Oh, yes. Brian and I have been planning a trip to San Diego for 2013 since he started nursing school. It's our big "Hooray for Life Changes" vacation, and we are totally pumped. While they haven't started making formal announcements of all the nerdy-type fun there will be at this year's event, we are hoping for a Big Bang Theory panel, something involving Joss Whedon, and most importantly, Doctor Who and Transformer stuff. 

But there will be a whole separate post about that. Because c'mon. It's COMIC-CON.

I just don't know what to do with myself, readers. All this excitement, jam-packed into one season? It really will be the summer of dreams.

Behind the Scenes at Abby Gabs

Most every writer that I know has a space they call all their own--a space where they "create."  They surround themselves with things that inspire them: books, quotes, objects d'art, photos. Whatever that writer considers a muse is usually somewhere nearby when they're practicing their craft.

I am no different.

Now, I like to imagine myself sitting at a little table on my own back porch, surrounded by flowers and trees and nature, words flowing like so much honey. Or maybe in a beautiful study, filled with natural sunlight from a big picture window, looking out on copse of oak trees. Or, better yet, sitting at an antique desk in a little bedroom, windows facing the sea, watching the tide come in as I'm struck with inspiration on a daily basis.  

Instead, I get this:

There's not much natural sunlight, I'm surrounded by original 1973 wood paneling, and there's not an ocean or a forest anywhere in sight.

But that's ok. I've taken the space I've got and made it my own. And like other writers, I've surrounded myself with the paraphernalia that spurs my creativity. So today, I'd like to share my little corner of the world with you. 

Coffee Landing Pad

I usually write in the mornings. It's when I'm most motivated, and when my ideas are still fresh in my head. However, without caffeine, those ideas quickly go "Poof!" and disappear somewhere within the confines of my very fuzzy brain. So, having a landing pad for my super-cool coffee mug is an absolute must. I also like to keep a pretty notebook handy, because you know what they say: creativity spawns more creativity. So I often have ideas for future blogs while working on a current one. The notebook gives me somewhere to jot down those ideas (even though they most often just end up on post-it notes anyway.)

Say Hello To My Little Friend(s)

I have two little knick-knacks that are always front-and-center every morning. They live under my monitor, and one of the first things I do every day is straighten them and think about what they mean to me. My Maneki-neko (whose symbol stands for fertility--or so the people at Epcot led me to believe) reminds me every day to keep dreaming. And the teeny-tiny Transformer reminds me to keep searching for the humor in the day-to-day. (Plus, it's cute. It's a teeny-tiny Camaro!)

My Thinking Cap (sort of)

There are two reasons why my favorite beach-going fedora can be found on my desk. Reason number one: I've run out of room in my closet and have no where else to store it where it won't get smooshed. And reason number two: It reminds me of the beach. And the beach is the one place on earth where I feel most myself. So, when I can't have my toes in the sand, I put on my beach fedora instead. You'll have to trust me when I say I look like an idiot while wearing it, but it still makes me feel great.

Words That Inspire

I found this little wooden sign at a discount boutique for $3. I snapped it up, brought it home, and I read it out loud every single day. On days when I wish for nothing more than to be somewhere else than I already am, these words remind me that all I have to do is delve into my writing and my wish will come true. It tests the writer in me, and challenges me to spend more time in the world of my imagination.

New Kids Corner

I've often blogged about my husband's Transformer corner. And last year, when I got my own little collection of New Kids on the Block figurines, I took a page from his book and created my own little shelf, dedicated to the boy band I adore. Donned with the poseable figurines, a delightful Donnie Wahlberg keepsake card (given to me by fellow fan, Kristin), and my Donnie Wahlberg desk calendar, and I've got all the muse I need in about a square foot of space.

Each and every one of these little touches, paired with a ton of framed photos of friends and family, a few great tunes, and my camera, help me create Abby Gabs. And I'm constantly adding to the collection. 

Which means, by this time next year I'll need the study by the beach just so I'll have enough room to store all my muses. (Especially if I get the full-sized New Kids dolls to add to my New Kids Corner.)

  Please honey?

Sometimes, All It Takes Is A Memory (Or Two)

I'm not sure if it's because of summer finally arriving in all her sunshiney glory, distractions around the house, or general lethargy, but my writing has been unceremoniously shoved onto the back burner lately. And so, this morning, I decided I needed to go on the search for some much-needed inspiration.

Step one, as usual, involved coffee. (Don't judge me. Caffeine sometimes jump starts my brain into that "be creative and funny" space that orange juice just doesn't accomplish.)

Brain cells active after a cup (or two), I sat down at my computer, opened up Spotify, and pulled up my new favorite playlist. It's titled "Take Me Back." And it's filled with 90s radio hits. And it makes me giddy.

2Pac and Green Day and Train...Oh My!

Tunes rockin' from the speakers, I clicked on my internet browser and headed over to Abby Gabs. Confident something blog-worthy would smack me in the face, I opened up a new document. And sat there for 20 minutes, the white page staring starkly at my caffeinated face.

For some reason, in the nano-second before I clicked the red X and gave in to my writer's block for the day, I was struck with the sudden urge to give it one last college try. I took my coffee and headed for one of my several book shelves. And there, on the top shelf, covered in an embarrassing layer of dust, was the book that I thought might solve all my problems.

A graduation gift from a high school sweetheart, and we're back in business, baby!

Filled with faith that Shel would help me out of my writing funk, I wiped the dust from the jacket and headed back to my desk. I began to thumb through the pages, smiling at the pencil sketches, giggling at the silly rhymes. Memories of my younger self, sitting in the floor of my dorm room, this same book in my lap, flooded my brain. I flipped to my favorite poem in the book from memory, barely noticing the small slip of paper that floated down to land in my lap. I wiped a tear away as I read about Deaf Donald:

Source

And then I closed the book. As I stood to return it to the shelf, the slip of paper that had been hiding between the pages fell from my lap to the floor. Curious, I picked it up. And found a carefully preserved, slightly wrinkly artifact from my childhood that stunned me.

It was a ticket stub from the one-and-only New Kids on the Block concert I've ever attended, way back in 1990. I was 9 years old, and I still remember the way my stomach lurched when the house lights went down. I can close my eyes and hear the roar of the teenage crowd as the group took the stage. I remember dancing in the aisles with my little brother, waving our homemade signs around with certainty that they'd be seen. I even remember catching a glance of my parents, smiling and singing along with the music that became the soundtrack for my childhood. It wasn't just a concert, it wasn't just about the boys in ripped jeans.  It was a life experience. And it's one of those memories that I'll always cherish.

As I held the ticket stub in my hand, I wondered how it had wound up hidden between the pages of a book that was given to me at my high school graduation. I trailed my finger along its battered edges, reading every letter of print, marveling that such an insignificant little thing as a used ticket stub could hold so much meaning. I slipped it back between the pages of Silverstein, marking the page for Deaf Donald, and cradled the book in my arms as I took it back to the book shelf in my bedroom. And knew that each time I passed that book on my way to bed each night, at least for a little while, I would smile with the knowledge that it was there, hidden among the words that had inspired me for much of my life.

And suddenly, a blog was born.

It's the Little Things That Make Me Happy (Literally.)

While taking down the Christmas tree yesterday, my husband pulled out the shoe box containing my New Kids on the Block Action Figures and shoved it in my face. 


B: What are you going to do with these guys?
A: I don't know. All the shelf space in the house is taken by books or robots. *shoots Brian a pouty face*
B: *looking scared for the future of his Transformers shelf* We'll come up with something.


Thirty minutes later, he comes to me, a smile from ear to ear.


B: I know what we can do with your New Kids dolls.
A: Action figures.
B: Right. Action figures.
A: Ok, I'm all ears.
B: What if we take them out of their boxes...
A: GASP! But they're in MINT CONDITION!
B: Hear me out, woman!
A: *Clutches her proverbial pearls*
B: What if we take them out of their boxes and put them in one of the cubby holes on the desk?
A: <still not convinced> But...
B: You can pose them however you like...
A: <closer to convinced by still not quite there> But...
B: ...and you can put your Donnie Wahlberg calendar in front...
A: <delight washes over her as she remembers awesome desk calendar purchased in October>
B: ...and it'll be like your own personal tiny New Kids concert every day!
A: <APPLAUSE> It's genius! I love it!


I held my breath as I broke open the first package. I kept having to tell myself that they were purchased for me to enjoy, not resell. I'm not a collector by trade, even though my instincts were SCREAMING at me to keep their original boxes in tact. But honestly, after I broke the first seal, I was literally giggling with glee.


Brian kindly offered to help me arrange my shelf (as he is a bit of a pro at it.) So I opened the boxes and handed him each New Kid, watching as he posed them just so.


And he was 100% right. I totally LOVE it.

It really is a teeny-weeny concert on my desk.

OH yeah. Turn on the iTunes and I'm THERE, yo.

Now all I need are some tiny little lights to hang inside. And maybe a small New Kids poster to hang behind them. 


And a teeny weeny smoke machine.


They make those, right?


*Abby begins eBay search...*

It's The Hap-Happiest Season of All

Today's post will be a short one. Because, dear readers, words fail in situations like these. You see...Christmas came to Abby Gabs early this year.


See?:

Who needs Santa Claus when you have a husband who actively supports collecting toys?


Here's the thing, though, readers. You see, last week, I told you all about how our awesome friend, Angie, sent me the coolest Donnie Wahlberg doll ever. After seeing my reaction (ie: SQUEEEEEEE!) Brian decided to add to my collection, and purchased the entire set. All Five Dolls....ALL MINE.


Which means I have 2 Donnies.


Which is sort of like a dream come true. 


But you see...I have an extra. Guess what THAT means?!?!?

<insert cheesy game show music here>


If you've always dreamed of owning your very own authentic Donnie Wahlberg poseable action figure (in the original, unopened box), then this is the giveaway of your dreams! Here's how we'll play.

Grand Prize: THE Donnie Wahlberg Poseable Action Figure Doll:

The Rules: Because even games are more fun with them.

#1: Leave me a comment below, telling me about YOUR childhood celebrity crush. If it wasn't Donnie Wahlberg, was it Donnie Osmond? Zack Morris? Optimus Prime? (No, Brian, you can't play.) Either way, I'd like to know who it was that you fawned over in a fog of AquaNet.  (This counts as one entry.)


#2: Put up a Facebook post about the giveaway, and leave a separate comment with the link! (This counts as one entry.)


#3: Blog all about it! If you think your readers would have fun playing, let them know in a blog! Leave me a separate comment with a link. (This counts as one entry.)


#4: For a SUPER-DOOPER, DOUBLE-POINTS entry, Tweet this contest and include the Donnie Wahlberg tag! Just link to this post, and make sure you let Donnie know we're giving his plastic doppelganger a new home by adding @DonnieWahlberg to your tweet! This will get you TWO WHOLE ENTRIES!! Just leave me a separate comment with the link to your tweet. (This counts as two entries.)


The contest will be open for entries for one whole week! I'll tally up the points and announce the winner next Monday, December 26th! And you'll have your very own Donnie Wahlberg Poseable Action Figure Before 2012! How cool is that?? Super easy to play! And the prize is sexy AND poseable!! (Can't ask for more than that, ladies.)


*Author's note: I'm well aware that you probably have no interest in a Donnie Wahlberg poseable action figure. But who cares! It'll be fun to play anyway. (Plus, Donnie may see one of your tweets and totally smile at me. Or something else that would be epic blog fodder.)

Childhood Memories

Today, we rewind to 1989. 

My favorite things in life were chocolate Hostess cupcakes, my blue sequined leotard with matching derby hat, the New Kids on the Block, and my Get In Shape Girl Ribbon. 

If you don't remember the Get in Shape Girl Ribbon, perhaps this will refresh your memory:

You see, I fancied myself a performer. And so, when I would dance around my room, waving my Get In Shape Girl Ribbon, I imagined I looked something like this...

...when in reality, I was a snaggle-toothed ten year old sporting a bad mullet and a leotard that was meant to be worn by a 6 year old. Oh, and the leg warmers. There were always leg warmers.


One afternoon, I had bedazzled myself with my favorite blue leotard, and had the New Kids cranked as loud as my boombox would go without breaking the mirrors. I'd been rehearsing a quite elaborate routine, to be performed after dinner, when I realized what my masterpiece was missing.


My Get in Shape Girl Ribbon! Of course!


I rummaged through my toy box, my closet, and my "dress-up" drawer, and finally unearthed the "coup de grace" for the ultimate performance. With somewhat dusty ribbon in hand, I began to alter my intricate choreography to include the gentle swirling and swishing of said ribbon.


Finally, after hours of practice, I had it down cold. Jazz hands were placed just so, facial expressions had been perfected in the bathroom mirror, and my finishing pose was standing ovation-worthy. I had just enough time to finish one last dress rehearsal before dinner. I rewound my New Kids cassette tape back to the beginning of "Step by Step," hit play, and began my routine. 


(The next few panels are a Photoshop reenactment of the events.)

I was SO on. Every move was polished perfection! I was thinking, "They'll love the wink and kiss-blowing after the third bar...Man. This couldn't GET any better!! I'll be on tour in no time!" I leapt into the air, shot a haughty grin over my shoulder, and whipped my Get in Shape Girl ribbon in a huge and graceful arch over my head when suddenly...

As the smoke cleared, and the sparks subsided, it was clear I had made a grave error in judgement when choreographing my grand jete.

My Get in Shape Girl Ribbon  had become ensnared in the blades of my ceiling fan. And because I was 10, and in the midst of a huge rehearsal, I didn't take the time to walk to the wall and switch off the fan before retrieving my ribbon. 


The Show Must Go On!


So I yanked it.


Hard.


And the ENTIRE FAN came out of the ceiling and crashed into a gazillion pieces on my bedroom floor.


I was frozen with terror. I had NEVER committed such a grievous act before. I was certain that I was going to be beaten with a whip   shipped off to a concentration camp   fed bread and water for dinner  grounded for 3 weeks. I couldn't imagine my life without my music, without my New Kids videos, without my dress-up clothes! 


As I heard my mother's feet pounding up the stairs, I swore that I would think of a way to get out of this predicament.


I'd blame it on my brother. On one of the dogs. On my desperate desire to be famous.


My mother burst into the room and her eyes widened as she surveyed the damage: the busted remains of the ceiling fan, the dust and debris from the giant hole in the ceiling, the tangled and ripped bits of festive pink ribbon, and in the middle of it all, a weeping, sequin-covered child with a look of sheer terror on her face.


Mom took one look, threw back her head, and laughed.


And I knew I'd live on to perform another day.

People I Envy the Most

I'm not too proud to admit that there are a few people on this planet who I envy.


Yes, my life is pretty darn fantastic. There's not much to complain about. I'm a blessed woman and I know it.


But there are a few factions of folks whose shoes I'd like to wear, if only for a day.


Here's my top 5:


#5 Disney World Employees

I love Disney World. I've only been once, but the one thing that stuck out to me (more than the happiness abounding from around each and every corner) was how cheerful, helpful, wonderful, and clean the entire staff was. Whether they were cleaning bathrooms, handing you food, giving out directions, or helping you onto a ride, every single person I encountered while within the hallowed walls of Mickey's little world was absolutely perfect.


Would I ever want to be one of the princesses or a Mickey dressed in Safari gear?


Absolutely not.


But I think it would be such fun to work in one of the shops or restaurants on the Disney property. I mean....is anyone in a bad mood while they're at Disney World? Anyone?


#4 Beautiful Women Who Jog (especially on the beach)

If you are one of these women---I don't hate you! I swear! In fact, you're part of a sorority I'm dying to pledge.


But it doesn't matter than I want to be you desperately. Because inevitably, when you jog prettily by me, wearing your adorable matching sports bra and tennis shoes, I'm going to have something snarky to say under my breath.


You won't hear me. Just keep jogging. And being beautiful. And healthy. And thin....


#3 Oprah Winfrey

Not because she's rich. Or because she lives in a big, fancy house. Or because she knows everyone in show business.


Only because she knows (and apparently gets to kiss) Hugh Jackman. For that, I envy her.


#2 The People Who Live Here

You should envy them, too. Santorini.....sigh....


and finally, #1 The Backup Dancers for the New Kids on the Block







(Video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC4nPcxZH8I)

It's true, you might not understand this obsession of mine. In fact, those of you who are of the age who, like me, grew up obsessed with the New Kids have most likely moved on to other obsessions. It's fine. I don't blame you (much.)


The truth of the matter: when I was 10 years old, I was CONVINCED that I was going to grow up and become a dancer for the New Kids.


It never dawned on me that they might break up, or no longer be touring by the time I was old enough to join their posse. (That's the cool kid lingo.)


Nor did it ever occur to me that as I aged, so would they.


For 2 or 3 summers of my childhood, I spent every single day with My First Sony tape player, a New Kids on the Block cassette tape, and my backyard. I danced and performed and sang my little heart out.


Most of the time it was just for me. Other times, it was for my entire family (Thanks, Mom and Dad, for suffering through those concerts....)


It wasn't just a dream for me, it was my reality.


Now, to know that they're on tour again, with backup dancers much younger than me, and to know that I missed my opportunity...


Well, I want to stab those skinny little girls in the kneecap.


But then, Donnie might not like me, and that would make me sad. So I'll just be envious from afar.






Photo sources:
Disney: www.mailonline.com
Jogger: http://www.saidaonline.com
Oprah: www.zimbio.com
Santorini: http://www.book-santorini-hotels.com