How A Weekend Sale At the Mall Made Me Feel Like A Granny

With the holidays comes family, and with family comes after-Christmas-sales.

Well, at least with our family.

And so, a day or two after Christmas, I took Brian's thirteen-year-old cousin, Jenny, shopping.

To say it's been a long time since I shopped in a mall is an understatement. I haven't really set foot in any store (other than department stores, craft stores, and Old Navy) since I was in high school. And clearly, shopping for teenage girls is much different now than it was back in the dark ages, when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. (I.E. 1993).

Anyhoo, Jenny was out to spend some of the Christmas money burning a hole in her pocket, and I was looking forward to coming off as hip, fashion savvy, and fun. Our destination?

Hollister.

The first thing I noticed as we entered the hallowed halls of this teenage fashion mecca was a giant poster of a half-naked boy. Yes, boy. Because I don't think he's old enough to vote, folks.

Source

I stood there for a moment, wondering if the model was trying to sell me a surf board, a diet plan, or clothing. By that time, Jenny had disappeared into the store.

And when I say 'disappeared,' I mean that literally.

Because the second thing I noticed when I followed her inside was the lighting. Or rather, lack thereof. How the heck am I supposed to read the price tags if there's three spotlights in the entire store?

Oh. Right. I get it.

I squint my eyes and glance around in the darkness for Jenny. In normal situations, I would have just called her name. However, the music pumping into the store was so loud that when I shouted "JENNY!" the only thing I could hear was my voice reverberating around in my own brain. So, the usual "Marco Polo" strategy was out. Wishing for a flashlight, I went in search of the shopping teen.

It only takes me a second to locate Jenny and we spend the next thirty minutes perusing the wares for sale. At this point, I'm noticing two remarkable trends. The first? All of the clothes for sale were the bright neon pinks, greens, and oranges of my childhood. (IE: the eighties.) And second? Everything in this store, even the "Extra Larges," are teeny tiny.

Are these clothes for people? Or clothes for dolls? I'm confused.

That's when I notice all the "kids" working at the store are impossibly tall, impossibly thin, and impossibly good looking. Huh. Oh, and they're all wearing "Hollister" brand clothing. In fact, the boy who offered to unlock the dressing room for us was wearing the same thing as a mannequin in the boy's department.

I'm only assuming this is what he said, because I really couldn't hear him at all, and I suck
at lip-reading. However, the sign behind him TOTES said that, because I nearly
took a picture, but I was afraid my flash would scare the natives.

I will say this: the clothes Jenny chose were adorable. A cute green sweater, a sweet little black-knit top, and a t-shirt donned with vibrant green and pink stripes. We took her purchases up to the register, got in the shortest line, and waited. It was nearing closing time, so everyone was making the mass exodus at the same time. After about a ten minute wait in line, we finally got up to the registers. A beautiful young lady with flowing blonde hair smiled, took Jenny's stack of clothes, and started ringing them up.

When I handed her my debit card, she looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't take debit cards at this register."

Feeling like an idiot, I immediately started looking for the sign I missed. That's when I realized there wasn't one.

"You should really put up a sign that says something to that effect," I said to her, frowning.

Which is why, when she said this:

...I got a little mad.

(And yes, she actually said the letters L, O, and L. She did not, in fact, "laugh out loud.")

However, to her credit, she flagged over a store manager, who opened up the register next to hers and rang us up without forcing us to wait in the "Debit Cards Are Ok" line for another ten minutes. We paid for our purchases, the cute store manager (who maxed out the overall age bracket in the store at 17) handed Jenny her bag, and we headed back for the car.

I had such a terrific time talking clothes and fit and color with Jenny. And she looks fantastic in all the little tops we bought for her. 

However, shopping at Hollister was definitely an eye-opening experience for this 30-something.

But it made Jenny happy. So it was worth it.

Totes.

**I should mention that Jenny and I were accompanied by Brian's other cousin, Shelby. The three of us spent an hour shopping together and had a wonderful time! Shelby is in her early 20s, and I'm sure felt much more comfortable in Hollister.**

Holiday Card, The 2012 Edition

From our family to yours...

May your tree be oh-so-sparkly,

your stockings overflowing,

and your eggnog sufficiently spiked.

Merry Christmas!

The End (For Real This Time) -- An Abby Gabs Video Blog

If you're still able to use a computer, and you want to see this video blog, but are having a hard time viewing it here, point your browser to: http://youtu.be/pYAgkhTAols

Thanks for watching!

A Moment to Say Thanks

Today I awaken to a silent house. For the first time in days, I am alone. Brian is off at work, family and friends are back to their normal routine, and I am left here, in my quiet house, with my thoughts.

Too easily could I get swept away by all the terrible things that have happened in the last twenty-four hours. My heart is broken for those families and teachers, first-responders and hospital staff. I have not had a moment to shed tears for them yet. Up until now there has been enough to keep my mind occupied. 

But instead I choose to cling stubbornly, selfishly, to the happy moments of the past several days. We've had so much to celebrate, so many things to be grateful for, so many reasons to smile. 

Brian's pride as he welcomed friends and family---a veritable entourage---to his graduation ceremony on Wednesday...

My own glee at watching my husband reach for his dreams, and succeed.

Being surrounded by friends and family---some related by blood, most related by love---on our important occasion.

Laughter, fun, friendships that feel more like family...

To those who carved time out of their busy lives to celebrate with us this week; for the phone calls and text messages and cards and Facebook messages; for those who braved the rain and the cold to attend the ceremony; to those we love the most, we send you a heartfelt thanks. You made an important day into a party. And we were humbled and overwhelmed by the love we felt. 

And from me to each and every one of you, a hearty thanks for making my husband feel like a total rock star, because even though I remind him of that status every day, I don't think he always hears me.

So today I will reminisce. I will relive those moments of jubilation and joviality. I will wrap myself up in those feelings. I will remind myself of all we have to be grateful for. I will hug my family tighter, tell my friends that I love them, and focus my attention on living this life to the fullest. And I will smile today, even though my heart weeps for others who know not my joy. That is the greatest gift I can give to myself and to the world today. And I have you, our nearest and dearest, to thank for it.

The Big Day Is Here!

For the past two and a half years, I have watched my husband power through nursing school. I've watched him sweat over test grades, study until his eyes were crossing, and celebrate when another class came to an end. 

I've tried to help him maintain some semblance of a normal life, and a normal marriage, when the majority of his time and energy was used up just trying to get through. 

I texted him (constantly) and sent him emails and wrote sappy blogs about him while he was away for fourteen to sixteen hour stretches at a time, pairing a half day of classes with a full day of work. 

I held his hand as he wept for a patient, high-fived him the first time he started an IV by himself, and cringed through all of his "poop" stories.

I have witnessed his growth as a student and a nurse, his excitement over his new career path, and all the hard work that went into it each and every single day. 

I watched him sacrifice sleep, food, fun, and practically every ounce of his social life, just so he could make our lives better with that Oh-So-Coveted degree.

And today, after the books have been put away, the caps put back on all the highlighters, the flash cards stowed and the tests all passed----today, we celebrate that hard work and dedication.

Because today, my husband graduates from the nursing program.

He really IS Superman, y'all.

Congratulations, Brian! I couldn't be more proud of you if I tried. Enjoy every single minute of the festivities today. Soak them up. Because you deserve it all, and a million times more. I love you to the moon and back. XOXO, Abby

Super-Quick Saturday 'Post'

I Was Born To Be In An All-Male A Cappella Group.

While you re-arrange your face into a more normal appearance, let me back-pedal a bit and explain why.

You see, Christmas at my house just isn't Christmas without a little Straight, No Chaser. We LOVE this group. My husband, who was always the semi-Scrooge in our little family, was completely won over when he first heard their version of The Twelve Days of Christmas. When he showed slight enthusiasm for a Christmas song, I immediately went to iTunes and downloaded every single Christmas song they've ever done. And now, each year the gentle strains of Straight, No Chaser, can be heard in our home as we deck the halls.

Still, that doesn't explain why I believe, in my soul of souls, that I'm meant to be in an all-male a cappella group. Specifically, I'm meant to be in THIS all-male a cappella group. (And not just because their name is grammatically correct.) Here, let me make my case. 

#1: I think I'd fit right in.
Sure, it's a bunch of boys who can sing. And I'm a girl who can't sing. BUT, (hear me out, readers. The argument is about to get good.) I am all about cheese. Not just the kind you eat, but the really theatrical, cheesy goodness that comprises a majority of an a cappella group's performances. Need someone to pull a face and do jazz hands? I'm SO your girl. 

Photo source

#2: So what if I can't sing...
I could easily be the member who makes funny noises, says something campy or snaps my fingers. Plus, I can lip-sync like nobody's business. Can you tell me, based on this photographic evidence, that I am not, in fact, singing in perfect harmony? No, you cannot.

Photo source

#3 I already know all the words.
It's true. I know where all the high notes in "Jingle Bells." I know all the places to chant in "Who Spiked the Egg Nog." And I always know where the high kicks begin in my all-time favorite Straight, No Chaser Christmas tune---The Christmas Can Can.


I even taught myself the Spanish parts of "Donde Esta Santa Claus." See? That's some true dedication right there.

So, Straight, No Chaser? Can I be your first female member? I promise I can make up for my lack of vocal abilities and slight stage fright with an enthusiasm that is promised to be contagious.

My New Shoes

When I was a kid, it didn't take much for my Mom to convince me that spending an afternoon shopping was a good idea. Truly, I've always loved to shop. It didn't matter to me if we were going for a quick ten minute perusal of the hardware store, or if we were going to spend all day bouncing from shopping mall to outlet store---Mom said, "Let's go shopping!" and I said, "I'm in!"

But the two words she could utter to really get my 7-year-old inner shopper excited?

"New Shoes."

Oh yeah. Especially if they were dress shoes.

Mom, actually, wasn't usually too thrilled when I needed dress shoes for some special occasion. Not because she didn't like to shop. But because I had a very specific test for whether a particular pair of shoes was going to work for me or not. And that often involved doubling our time at a store.

You see, it didn't matter to me if the shoes were comfortable. It didn't matter what color they were, or what style. It didn't even matter to me if they had snaps, straps, or laces.

All I REALLY cared about was how they sounded when I walked on a hardwood floor.

Luckily, most of the shoe stores we frequented back in the late 80s came equipped with a handy-dandy little section of linoleum near the front door. Mom would strap me into my shiny new patent leather mary janes, and before she could complete the "where's your toe?" test, I was beating feet up to the linoleum to check out the "clippy cloppy" factor of my new kicks.

Anything that made a sound other than "clippy cloppy" immediately got sent to the rejection pile, much to my mother's chagrin.

I don't think I've ever tried to explain what it is that I love so much about shoes that make that sound. I think, when I was a kid, it was because they made me feel grown up. Important. Like the kids in my class would hear me coming, just like Miss Green in her fancy black pumps.

There may have been some fascination with noisy shoes from the time I was 4, and strapped on my very first pair of tap shoes.

In truth, "clippy cloppy" shoes made me feel glamorous. Like a tiny version of Miss USA, except with even bigger hair, and a hot pink dress. Because hot pink was my favorite color from age 7 to 10. And we all remember how big hair was in the 80s.

Fast forward to my adult years, and the sound a shoe makes on hardwood rarely comes into play when choosing new shoes. In college, it was about fashion. Now, it's about comfort (and some semblance of style.) 

But a few days ago, I spotted a pair of boots that I knew just had to be mine. Sure, they had a slight heel--something I usually avoid at all costs--but everything about them....from the sleek design to the silver side buckle...made me dream of making them mine. Eagerly, I slid them onto my feet and admired them in the tiny little foot mirror. As I started walking around in the carpeted store, I had a flashback to the many times I tapped my way through the shoe stores in my childhood. Noticing a bit of hardwood near the entrance, I grabbed my purse and sneaked over, tapping my toe tentatively on the hard surface. And when the "clippy cloppy" sound reverberated back to my ears, I knew I'd found the perfect pair of boots for me.

Yes, I bought them. Yes, I giggle like a school girl every time I wear them.

Video Proof:


What can I say? These boots have the capability of making me feel like a fashionable, slightly-fancy, grown-up version of the kid I used to be, in all their "clippy cloppy" glory. I say every girl needs a pair of shoes that can do that, am I right?

This post is dedicated to Mom, for all her patience and infinite wisdom when it came to shopping for shoes.

Christmas in the South

Hooray!! December has arrived in all its glory! Please note that I have decorated Abby Gabs in the appropriate fashion to celebrate the season. And now, share with me another celebratory "Hooray!"

There is so much to love about this time of year. Twinkly lights, gift wrapping, baking marathons, cute clothes, even cuter shoes...it really is the best time of year. 

One of my favorite December pastimes is to brew myself up a piping hot cup of coffee, and watch the birds eating at my feeders.

The picture through my window is of a chilly winter's morning. The sky is grey and gloomy around these parts this time of year. Clouds threaten rain, the sun barely makes an appearance, and the grass gets all crinkly and dry. It's wintertime perfection.

Except...

If you actually venture out of doors, believing the picture out your window, you're in for a big surprise. Because in all reality, the weather in Charleston in December is less-than-snowy.

By noon, it is usually getting close to seventy degrees outside. Sure, we have had a few cold Christmases (we're talking upper thirties here, people.) But for the most part, the nine Christmases I've spent here in Charleston have been relatively warm.

Don't throw things at me, Readers From the North! Believe me when I say there are many a winters day that I miss having seasons. I miss the turning of the leaves, and the crispness in the air as summer turns to fall. I miss being able to find winter coats with substance, and ice scrapers for your car. I miss that feeling of frost "nippin' at your nose." I miss snuggly sweaters!!

However, I do not, in any way, shape, or form, miss snow.

So I'll take my seventy degree weather today. I'll still wear long sleeves and cute shoes, and just crack the windows or, in a drastic measure, turn on the air conditioning. I'll wear my favorite knitted hat and I'll crochet a dozen new scarves.

Because even if it is seventy degrees here today...

Photographic Evidence From My Awesome i-Phone

...it's still the holidays in my heart.



Ok, I just gagged a little. Sorry about that last line.

Woooooo! Zzzzz...

Where in the cotton-pickin' world have I been lately?

Good question, readers.

You see, I've had a lot of folks ask me just what takes so darn long between one post and another. Well, folks, there are a couple of answers for the time lapse as of late. And they are as follows:

I've been busy decorating for Christmas.

Because what's the point of having a New Kids on the Block shelf
if I don't get to decorate it with tiny Santa hats and a teeny tree?

I've been blowin' up Pinterest with fun and festive holiday ideas.

Because we're so broke, everyone in my family will be lucky
to get these candles instead of a pair of socks for Christmas this year!

I've been helping Brian plan for his big graduation from nursing school on 12/12/12.

He has to wear a tux,  y'all!!!

I've been wishing my pal, Arielle, a happy birthday in a most-Laverne inspired way.

Arielle is a Leo girl all the way (particularly Leonardo Circa Titanic.)

I think that about covers it. I mean, that's how I've been spending most of my free time. But I feel like there was something else....

...oh, right, I've been WRITING A BOOK SINCE NOVEMBER 1st!

That's right! I did it! I completed the 50,000 words necessary to win NaNoWriMo 2012. Paired with last year's half-manuscript, I now have almost 250 pages worth of book. I don't know about you, but that's a serious reason to throw around confetti.

The only problem? Things have been so busy (and stressful) around here lately that I haven't had much time to really think about my major accomplishment. I actually finished Nano on Monday, after an 11,000 word marathon on Saturday afternoon. (Yes, I actually meant to include that many zeros.) I finalized my word count, posted on Facebook that I was all finished, and then promptly went to sleep.

Hence, my big celebratory WOOHOO!!! moment was actually more like WooZZzzzzzz.....

But the good news is that now that I've wrapped up the intense writing of NaNo, it frees me up to start blogging regularly again. Hooray for December! And oh, boy do I have some awesome posts coming up.

(None of which are as awesome as the one my friend, Leslie, wrote over on The Bearded Iris today. Especially if you're a fan of Dancing with the Stars. Seriously. If you need a laugh, go read it. I promise. It's awesome.)

So bust out the signs, readers! Balloons are welcome, too! And if there are enough of you to line up and do the wave, I'd be most appreciative. Because I am officially a NaNoWriMo 2012 Winner!!!

Bring On The Turkey!

"What are you thankful for this year?" I asked my husband today.

"My loving wife," he said, tongue in cheek. "The fact that nursing school is almost over. Supportive friends and family...I'm thankful for new beginnings."

Isn't he so sweet, y'all?

I have to agree with him (especially about the loving wife part. Except insert "husband" where "wife" is, and we've got a winner.) But there are a few...unique things that I'm thankful for this year, other than the usual. And what's the point of having a blog if you can't write about them (in list form)?

I am thankful for...
...the gift of humor.
I like to laugh. A lot. Most days, I laugh at myself, my husband, my cats, my friends, and my television. Sometimes, I just laugh at life in general. (And usually, I document it all here, for you to see.)

...my godchildren.
It's a brand new shiny thing--one that I've never been able to say until this year. But knowing that there are two adorable little ones, just a relatively short drive away, that I'll get to spoil outrageously as they grow up...well, that just gives me the Warm-and-Fuzzies. I love those little babies to bits.

...social media.
That may seem to be a shallow thing to some, but social media has opened up a whole new world of communication for me. I've honed my stalker skills, made some amazing new friends, and gifted myself with a voice solely my own. Tell me that's not something to be thankful for!

...my fuzzy, four-legged children.
When you're all by your lonesome most of the time, it's nice to have a soft kitty, a warm kitty to come sit on your lap. Those little balls of fur own my heart. My house is full of happy, sleepy kitties, and they all like to purr. (If you don't recognize the lyrics I just ripped off of Sheldon Cooper, then your nerd card is revoked, people.) I am also HUGELY grateful that they are all over the stomach bug they passed around for the better part of a month! Yay for no more cat puke!

...having the time to hone my skills as a writer.
I know that, if my life were any different than it is at this moment, I might not have the time to be working on my very first novel. And so, I will be grateful that I have this opportunity, and hope that it will lead to future opportunities down the road.

...wine, chocolate, and other stimulants that make life fun.
I'm particularly looking forward to the apple cider sangria we will be enjoying with our turkey and our stuffing today.

...and lastly...I am thankful for Photoshop.
Because without it, I couldn't wish you a Happy Thanksgiving in a traditional, Abby Gabs sort of way.

Enjoy the pumpkin pie, y'all!! 

Twenty Questions--An Abby Gabs Video Blog

I wanted to do a video blog, but I couldn't think of anything funny to talk about. So, I turned to the internet and asked my friends, family and readers to ask me their most burning questions (about me.) You asked, I answered. Here's the (incredibly long) video blog I promised. Thanks to all who submitted questions!





If you can't see my video, point your browser here:  http://youtu.be/U9L8V8QaJUc

Walt's video blog can be found here: http://youtu.be/nRuVF_P4STE

HUGE thanks goes out to Brian because if it weren't for him, you wouldn't be viewing this video at all. You rock my socks, babe.

My, How The Times Are A-Changin'...

Tomorrow is Sunday. It will be November 18, 2012. I'm telling you this now, so that you can mark your calendars after you read this blog post. Why, you ask? Because tomorrow afternoon, something so momentous, so stupendous, so serendipitous is happening that it should be documented fully.

Let me explain.

Tomorrow, I will be taking my husband to be fitted for a tuxedo.

That's right. You read that correctly.

Why is this such a major event in the life of the Abby Gabs household? Well, dear reader, there are two reasons. Number one: We have to rent said tux for Brian to wear to his nursing graduation next month. It's a big deal. We'll be havin' a party, ya'll.

But the second, more important reason that I'm blogging about the menial task of renting my husband a tuxedo is the real reason behind this blog. You see, my husband has a uniform. He wears it practically every day. That uniform consists of jeans, sneakers, and a myriad of nerdy t-shirts.

On any given day, he looks like this:

Now, most men share this trait. They like to knock around the house in jeans and a tee. Perhaps they'll wear this outfit to the grocery store, or out to a movie.

However, Brian's uniform has always been deemed appropriate attire for all occasions. For instance, here is Brian on any date night:

Special occasions don't often change this trend. A birthday dinner with friends? Same clothes. An evening of (forced) fun at the theater? Same clothes. Our anniversary dinner at a 4-star restaurant in Charleston?

Yep, you guessed it.

In fact, my husband is so entrenched in his fashion sense that he flat-out refused to wear a tie OR a vest to our wedding.

And so, you can imagine my glee at hearing the news that all men graduating with the nursing program in 2012 are required to wear a tux.

Not just any tux, mind you. But a SOLID. WHITE. TUX.

Oh, sweet justice.

And can you guess what I'll be wearing to the tux store tomorrow, dear friends?

Yes I will. And I will enjoy it thoroughly.

Can Someone Pass a Paper Bag?

For those of you who are my regular readers, I'm guessing you've probably noticed that the number of illustrated posts here on Abby Gabs has increased exponentially in the last several weeks. There are a few different reasons for that: #1) they're fun. #2) they make my husband laugh. #3) did I mention that they're fun?

However, I have a slight confession to make. There's another underlying reason why you've been seeing THIS Abby:

Instead of THIS Abby:

And I can sum it up in two mean and ugly words.

Here's the rub--I had perfect skin as a teenager. I was thin, beautiful, popular, and my skin was the envy of adolescents everywhere. Sure, I had the occasional flare up--a zit on my chin before homecoming, a flourish of blackheads along my hairline--but they were easily managed with a little Noxema and some Cover Girl concealer.  A day or two later, and it was as if it never happened.

I was lucky enough that my ability to grow zit-resistant skin followed me into my 20s, and even the first year of my 30s. But the day I turned 31? My pores decided to wage war against me. And it hasn't been a pretty battle. The difference between my 16-year-old skin and my 31-year-old skin? Well...it's led to some pretty drastic measures.

If only wearing a bag over my head in public was really a valid option. I've got a couple of really cute canvas totes that would work quite nicely.

The truth is that I'm new at this fight against acne. I didn't deal with it as a kid, and now I'm learning all the ins-and-outs to getting rid of blackheads. (Note: lemon juice, Elmer's glue, and egg whites don't work. Sonic screwdrivers will be used as a last resort.)

Brian says I'm too hard on myself. That my skin isn't as bad as I think it is, and that I need to stop obsessing over my face. He's sweet, and supportive, and all the other things a wonderful husband should be. 

But he's wrong.

Because you see, when you've always had pretty skin, it's hard to get used to waking up in the morning to a new patch of blemishes who appear to have camped out on your face over night. 

And so, until I win this war that I'm waging, or at least gain a little bit of a lead, you'll be seeing illustrated Abby pretty frequently. Otherwise, any photos of myself published on the blog will look more like this:

...is that better?