Munchkin Quest--Our Newest Obsession

This post is going to read a little like an advertisement. But that's ok. Because Brian and I have a new nerdy obsession, and I absolutely must share it with you. 

Raise your hand if you've ever heard of Munchkin Quest!

***crickets***

Yeah, that's ok. I'd never heard of it either. But in our eternal quest to reach "Nerdvana," we stumbled upon this little board game in the vast reaches of the world wide web. And since it arrived at our door step a few days ago, we have been playing it non-stop.

Munchkin Quest is a dungeon-crawler board game, much like Dungeons and Dragons (so I've heard.) (Dungeon Crawler=Role-playing game where players explore a labyrinth, fighting monsters and using magic along the way.) (Still with me? Ok, good.)

Anywhoo, the purpose of this little game is to wander from room to room, defeating scary monsters, and leveling up your player. Sounds pretty simple, right?

WRONG.

This game has eleventy-billion rules. Seriously. It comes with a rule book 20-pages thick. There are numerous dice to be rolled, a mountain of cards to figure out, and rules upon rules to be memorized. 

But don't let that information daunt you. There are SO many things I love about this game. 

*It is cutthroat. It is way too easy to pull the rug out from beneath your opponent's feet. All it takes is the luck of the draw, and the guts to actually play the card when the time arises.

*It has a sense of humor. What other game do you know of that allows you to curse your opponent by tossing a chicken on his head, rendering him unable to fight with 100% accuracy?

*It is about luck, not skill. It doesn't matter how awesome you think you are at this game, if the cards and the dice aren't with you, then you will not win. (Unless the cards and the dice decide to join your team about halfway through---then it is entirely possible to win, even if you've been down by 5 or 6 levels the entire game.)

But my FAVORITE thing about Munchkin Quest are the cartoons on the cards. They are HILARIOUS, people. You'll draw a weapon that is a Sword That Kills Everything (Except Squid.) You'll fight monsters like the Leperchaun (a leprechaun with leprosy) or the Zombees (undead bumble bees). 

Just to give you a small taste of the Munchkin realm, here are a couple of illustrations depicting how Brian and I ended our most recent game.

Brian as an Elf Warrior, sporting Butt-Kicking Boots,
carrying a Step-Ladder (for those hard-to-reach monsters)
and cursed with an Evil Chicken.

Me as a Halfling Wizard,
wearing the Amulet of Fire-Breath,
with a Fire-Breathing Shoulder Dragon as my pet.

 The hairy toes are my favorite part.

So if you're looking for a board game to while away the hours while you slowly become the nerdiest person in your social group, I suggest you pick up Munchkin Quest. It's a little on the pricey side, but it's definitely worth the gold pieces you'll throw down for it. Because I promise you--you'll be speaking the lingo and tossing around the insults like a true Munchkin in no time.

Twenty Questions, Revisisted

A few months ago, I reached out to my friends, family, and readers, and asked them to submit questions for a video blog. They did, and it turned out to be one of my favorite vlogs I've ever done.

However, there was one friend and reader who went above and beyond the call of duty. The questions she sent me were so fantastic, so funny, and SO PERFECT for Abby Gabs, that I just had to revisit our interview, and post them for you here. Prepare to laugh, because my pal Rachel is one funny gal. 

♥

Rachel: It's said that you turned down the role of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With The Wind because Clark Gable was unwilling to leave you in the final, crucial scene. On her deathbed, Vivian Leigh cursed you for upstaging her at the premiere where this tidbit came out. Tell us... Did she really give birth to a litter of puppies at that event? And what happened to those said puppies?

Abby: I cannot confirm or deny the rumor of puppies, as I was too busy flirting with Gable and wowing the cameras with my authentic 1930s hairdo. Also, I was giggling in the corner with the Doctor, because how else could I have gone back in time to upstage Leigh, without the transportation of the TARDIS?

R: You've been offered the role of love interest in the new Transformers movie. Michael Bay has offered to Photoshop Megan Fox out of the previous movies. Your own love interest, Brian, is a huge Transformers fan. Will these men influence your decision to accept the role?

A: I had originally turned down the role until Mark Wahlberg, Donnie's brother, contacted me and begged me to do it. I don't normally accept roles under those conditions, but as I'm a close, personal friend of the Wahlbergs, I decided to join the cast so I can work with Mark again.

However, I really don't care what Bay decides to do about Megan Fox. She dug her grave, and now she has to lie in it with cast-off copies of her, *ahem*, "movie," Jennifer's Body.

R: We've all seen the made-for-TV movie, That Gabby Abby. It's a required course in 47 of the 48 continuous states' 5th grade education. How does it make you feel that North Dakota refuses to make it a required course as well?

A: I applaud any and all states' rights to create their own laws, so long as it does not interfere with my bank account. Therefore, I will be staging a peaceful protest on the North Dakota/South Dakota border in the upcoming months. There will be cupcakes, people waving signs around, and a New Kids on the Block cover band. I'm working on getting a cameo appearance by Donnie Wahlberg himself, but he still hasn't confirmed the dates with me as of yet. By the time I'm through, North Dakota will adore me, and my film will be forced down the throats of adolescents in the snowy north as well.

R: You're running for President this year. What is your stance on jeggings and should they be illegal?

A: Here is my public service announcement about that very subject.

R: You come from humble beginnings, and yet you decided to turn down Brangelina's offer to give you their mansion in California. Your landlord went on national television to offer to take down the wood paneling in your country flat, but you refused citing his love for '70s wood paneling and your respect for it. This has sparked a trendy design craze for the wood paneling and designers praise you for your bold statement. There are rumors that you'll be using orange shag carpeting in your home next... Are they true?

A: I was high at that television interview with my landlord. Wood paneling sucks. It should be ripped from every wall in America and burned in a giant bonfire. We'll call it an effigy to bad taste and horrible design. 

I don't mind shag carpet, though.

R: When you bought the new iPhone 5, Siri began speaking exclusively to you, neglecting all other iPhone 5 users and forcing Apple to attempt to correct the glitch. Siri responded by detaching herself from the Apple mainframe and becoming the first recorded sentient computer program. She now claims the title of Abby's BFF and there have been several attempts on the lives of other people who attempt to claim the title as well. Do you feel responsible for her actions?

A: Siri can be difficult to read. She tends to have a split personality, especially when asked questions regarding the space/time continuum, when giving directions to Mars, and when fielding that difficult question of which came first, the chicken or the egg. I cannot comment on the attempted murder claim, as my lawyer advises me against it. What I will say is that Siri is great. She is so great. She is, like, the best friend, ever...I swear...

R: A new phenomenon has been sweeping the world. Leading scientists cannot explain why spiders are giving birth to and randomly turning into fluffy bunnies. Some speculate that it is a direct reaction to the revelation in the Broadway musical hit, That Gabby Abby starting Merryl Streep, that you are frightened of spiders. What are your thoughts?

A: To Drs. Hoffstetter and Cooper, who are leading this research, I send you a huge thanks. Spiders give me the willies. And bunnies are adorable!

R: The New Kids On The Block have recently announced a brand new tour. Donnie Whalberg has gone public with his love for you and has even named the tour, "Abby Will You Marry Me?" He regularly Photoshops himself into pictures with you and has blogged about his obsession many times. You have made it very clear that you love and are faithful to your cabana boy, Brian, going so far as to marry him. What advice would you give others with this level of unrequited love?

A: Ah, unrequited love. It's a sneaky, painful, careless mistress. Here are my tips to those who suffer this terrible fate.

1: Be kind. Regardless of your feelings, there are others in the world who would give anything for a kind word from you. 

2: Be cautious over the words that you choose, but don't be afraid to share a little piece of yourself with your fans, just to make their own lives a little more meaningful.

3: Try to refrain from posting too many racy photographs of yourself on Twitter. Sure, it's fun to get the fans all whipped up into a frenzy, but it's taxing on their hearts. Give sparingly, but give.

♥

Thanks, Rachel, for sending me the most creative questions, ever. I hope you are suitably impressed. :)

Our Battle With The Bulge Begins With My Personal Battle With The Alarm Clock

Do you know how many muscle groups it takes to lift a hair dryer, and then blow dry one's hair?

Almost as many as it takes to successfully remove clothing, step into the shower, and bathe.

Of course, I was never really aware of this until recently. You see, Brian and I joined a gym.

It's a small little place, with tons of equipment packed into it. Each elliptical and treadmill has its own television, which works out well for those that want to watch ESPN (Brian) or Jerry Springer (the chick next to me the other day) while they sweat away the pounds.

Me? I'm an iPod girl. All the way. Put some tunes in my ears and I'm ready to go. (Especially if it's the New Kids on the Block.)

We've been at it for a little over a week now. For the first few days, we were going in the evenings after work, just to get the feel of the place and the people who worked there. But as we pulled into a packed parking lot last Wednesday afternoon, we decided that it might be better to try the early mornings before work, in hopes that the line for the water fountain wouldn't be three people deep at any given time.

And it works. Arriving at the gym before 7:00 a.m. ensures us side-by-side training equipment for the duration of our stay.

However, when the alarm clock rings in the wee hours of the morning, we inevitably have a conversation that goes something like this:

Brian wakes gracefully, for the most part. It takes him a few minutes to get the brain engines revved, but once they are, he's up and pleasant and ready to face the day.

Me?

I SUCK at getting up early. Always have, and probably always will. I'm usually cranky in the mornings, I rarely say more than five words at a time, and if you were the one who woke me, then you should rue the day you were born. I'm not a nice morning person. Which is why, when Brian first suggested getting up early for morning workouts, I may or may not have growled at him.

But, believe it or not, it seems to be working. I'm awake and chipper (and sore) by the time we leave the gym. I have more energy throughout the day. And I'm hoping to start racking up some serious pounds lost soon.

Just promise me you'll pray for Brian, y'all. Because he's in charge of waking me each morning. Poor guy.

Meet Captain McSneezyPants

I believe that everyone has their own special brand of super-hero-ness. You might not know it, but there's something about you that could be construed as a super power. Maybe your smile can light up a room, or maybe your soprano high notes shatter glass. Either way, it makes you special. Unique.

I mean, Mary Tyler Moore can turn the world on with her smile.

Donnie Wahlberg can turn the world on with his abs.

And not to toot my own horn or anything, but I can turn the world on with my homemade cupcakes.

My husband's super power, however, isn't always one that puts a big grin on Earth's face. In fact, if he's not careful, Brian's super power can part hair, break windows, and startle someone into a panic attack.

My husband's super power is his sneeze. Let's call them his Super Sonic Sneezes.

When we first started living together, a sneeze from Brian was enough to leave me huddled in the corner, arms over my head, preparing for the ceiling to fall. Seriously. They are that loud. It got so bad that I finally asked him to try and devise a way to warn me when he feels one coming on.

It took a few years, and a few trial runs. Flare guns don't work inside. Tapping his leg didn't help much either, since my clogging background brainwashed me to recognize that sign as the beginning of a hoe-down.

After years of practice and polish, Brian finally has a signal down. It works in almost every situation (although we find it can be slightly dangerous when he is driving.) But regardless, it gives me a chance to batten down the hatches, prepare myself for the thunderous sound that will issue from between his lips, and grab a hold of any expensive vases.




You can imagine our surprise (and dismay) when we discovered that another person on this planet uses Captain McSneezyPants' Super Secret Sneeze Signal. And not only is he using it as a source of adorableness, but also to sell people on a service plan with AT&T.




Uh-Oh. Your Super Secret Sneeze Signal has been compromised. Back to the drawing board, Captain.

Note: I'm not selling anything for Disney, nor am I making any money for posting an AT&T commercial. Both videos just help me illustrate my point a little better. And the kid in that phone commercial cracks me up.

X's and O's

♥ May your chocolates be filled with caramel (and not that weird fruit stuff.)

♥ May your roses be fragrant (and not wilt-y.)

♥ May your Valentine's Day cards be multiple and exceedingly cheesy.

♥ May your conversation hearts be witty and sweet.

♥ May your romantic outings go off without a hitch (but if they don't, make sure you send me the funny story so I can blog about it.)

♥ And most importantly, may yours hearts be full on this, the day Saint Valentine kicked the bucket.

Happy Valentine's Day, from Team Abby Gabs!