Our Television-Watching Habits Are Questionable

My husband didn't woo me in the traditional way. There were no fancy restaurants, flowers and candy, or moonlit walks on the beach. He left out the poetry, the love notes, and he never stood outside my window and held a boombox over his head. However, the first time we ever hung out, just the two of us, he wormed his way into my heart by revealing something about himself that I could totally relate to.


He loves "bad" TV.


As long as I can remember, one of my favorite things to do is turn on the TV, find something random/bizarre/colorful, and just enjoy. Now, I use the term "bad" loosely, because these shows aren't awful, they're just not necessarily what other people our age spend their time watching. They're not the "hip" shows, the ones that win all the awards, the ones that people talk about over the water coolers. They're the kinds of shows that you can find any day of the week, at just about any time, on more than one channel.


Here's my Top Five List of the Best "Bad" TV shows:


#5: Trauma: Life in the ER
If you've never heard of this Discovery: Health phenomenon, you basically follow around a group of ER doctors and nurses for an hour, encountering all the same patients they do--gunshots, car accident victims, crazy homeless guys on PCP. And believe me when I say that they don't leave anything to the imagination. This show is NOT for the faint-of-heart. This is reality TV at its finest. There's blood, there's swearing, there's drunk people, there's drama, there's Laytex gloves....what else do you need?


This was the very first "bad" TV hubby and I ever snuggled up with. Romantic, right? When we first started dating, Brian came by my dorm room to hang out. He found me watching this show. His first reaction was, "Gross! Is that somebody's eyeball???" 


Ten minutes later, we were snuggled on my couch, engrossed (and slightly nauseous) as we watched a trauma doctor extract a piece of glass from a woman's eye.


There was cringing. Shouts of "EWWW!" and "UGGGH!" There may have been gagging. But we were hopelessly hooked. Be forewarned, if you watch the clip below, that there may be stuff in there that you don't want to see. But if you're into "bad" TV...watch it. I dare you.







#4: America's Funniest Home Videos
There isn't a single person in this country who hasn't seen this show. Seriously, it's an American icon. And it is mindless, engaging, comical entertainment. Who doesn't laugh out loud when a dude gets whacked in the head with a wiffleball bat? Who doesn't find a music montage of groin hits hilarious? And don't tell me you don't guffaw when the guy gets pommeled by the avalanche of snow.


This show replaced cartoons for me. It was a staple in our house growing up, back in the days when Bob Saget abandoned his true calling and tried to take his "Danny Tanner" persona to prime time. (I can only imagine how hard it was for him not to curse while narrating the video clips. Seriously. Have you ever heard his stand-up???)


And now that AFV is back with the adorable Tom Bergeron, it has once again taken its time-honored time-slot on Sunday evenings. Our Sundays with my parents go like this: coffee, Dad's famous breakfast, movie, Food Network, 2 hour discussion about what we're having for dinner, grocery list, grocery shopping, I cook dinner, we eat dinner, we watch AFV.


After all, nothing is more entertaining than cats being funny.








#3 Any and all Countdowns
This one's a little more vague. Because it doesn't matter to us if it's a countdown to the most notorious president on the History Channel, or a countdown of the top 50 one-hit-wonders on VH1. Doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter if we start watching it on number 11. We're going to watch it to the end. Seriously, don't tease me. If "Whoomp, There It Is" is number 11, what can possibly be #1???


#2 The VH1 "I Heart The" Series
PLEASE tell me you've seen these. "I Heart the 70s," "I Heart the 80s," I Heart the 90's,"Black to the Future"----this is "bad" TV royalty, people!!! We've seen these specials a hundred times, and if we ever catch it on again, we watch it again. The music videos, the news coverage, the comedic commentary...these shows are classic.


If you ever wondered how Mo Rocca felt about the infamous Pee-Wee Herman arrest of 2002, this is the show for you. If you ever wanted to see the lead singer of Maroon Five sing all the lyrics to "Do the Humpty Hump," this is the show for you. If you enjoy reminiscing about rubix cubes, Hall and Oates, and Quantum Leap, this show is for you.


Seriously, if you enjoy laughing out loud while facing memories from your childhood that you thought you'd forgotten, you will love these shows. I recommend the episodes from 1987, 1989, 1994, and 1997, respectively. Just watch this clip, and see what I mean. And if you want more, and it's not on cable today, you can find a TON of clips on YouTube. 


You're welcome.



#1 COPS
You totally saw that coming, didn't you?


There is NO TV in the history of TV that is more entertaining than Cops. For reals, yo.


And the best part is that you can find this show on at just about any time of the day. On just about any channel. We've watched it on Fox, NBC, G4, TruTV, FX, Spike....we've even caught in on CMT. It's on in the morning, it's on in the afternoon, it's on at night. It's on a 3 in the morning. 


Admit it. Cops is endless fun. You've got dope dealers wearing "Don't Tase Me Bro" tshirts mumbling "I'm innocent" around their mouthful of recently-swallowed marijuana. You've got crazy drunk old guys who resemble Grizzly Adams peeing on a police car because he's just THAT DRUNK. You've got a bottle-blonde on the warpath because her boyfriend, who had been pulled over for speeding, said the joint in the ashtray was HERS not HIS. And no episode of Cops is complete without some criminal telling the arresting officers that he wasn't the person they were looking for, despite being caught on FILM and chased for 3 blocks. It seems to me that, in order to be a criminal, you need to have a PhD in back-pedaling.


I will say that, if there's a small window when Cops isn't on, we will settle for one of the shows featuring high-speed chases in a pinch.


But when it comes to "bad" TV, Cops always takes the cake.




*EDIT* It took me two hours to write this post. Not because I was having a bad writing day,  but because I watched at 30 minutes worth of video clips on YouTube. Particularly of the VH1 "I ♥ The" series. I'm serious, if you're bored today, you have to go check them out. Mindless entertainment is the key to a blogger's success.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

I think you can tell a lot about a person by what television shows they enjoy.


After reading the following post, I'm banking on you knowing even more about me. And my viewing habits. And my obsession with all things Joss Whedon.


I've been feeling very list-y lately, so today, I'm going to tell you all about my Top Five Favorite TV Shows (That Are No Longer On The Air Because I Have Another List For Those Shows). One day, I will share my Top Five Favorite TV Shows (That Are Currently Still on the Air.) 


Ok. Let's start with


#5) F*R*I*E*N*D*S


I own all ten seasons on DVD. I've watched the entire series through 7 or 8 times. I cry every time Ross and Rachel break up, or when Monica proposes to Chandler, or when Phoebe gives birth to the triplets.  I laugh hysterically every time Joey does squats in Chandler's clothes, or Phoebe changes her name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, or when Ross tells Chandler that Rachel's dessert "tastes like feet." It's the show I most often quote and reference. In fact, with those nearest and dearest to me, I don't even have to set up the reference first. I'll just say, "Could I BE any more annoyed right now?" and they automatically get the Chandler impression.  Even my husband takes part in the fun. If I'm reading an emotional scene in a book, he helpfully offers to put it in the freezer for me. 


If you were at my house right now, I would pull out the Friends DVD collection and show you all my favorite episodes. But since you're not at my house, I'll share my favorite gag reel, from Season 6, instead. Enjoy.









#4) Farscape


It's the show that officially turned me into a nerd. I'd never really been into sci-fi before, but my husband was addicted to this show and got me and our roommate, Jenna, summarily addicted shortly after he moved in. On Sundays, we would pull out the hideaway, put reruns of Farscape in the VCR, and pass around pints of Ben and Jerry's from dawn till dusk. We laughed at Crichton, we sneered at Nigel, and we mourned for Zhaan.  The night of the last episode was like a funeral at our house. And while the final credits rolled, we shouted obscenities and shook our fists, cursing the executives at SyFy for cancelling our favorite show. 


This show had everything you could want in a one hour drama: compelling story lines, lovable characters, a heart-wrenching love story, cartoons, Bugs Bunny references, and the hottest leading man in history (short of Angel). If you've never seen it, Netflix it immediately.  I'll always carry a torch for John Crichton. Always.

Oh, to be Aeryn Sun...

#3) Ally McBeal


I've already referenced Ally McBeal on Abby Gabs at least once. I firmly believe that John Cage is the funniest character in television history. I can't even count the number of times I laughed out loud while watching him stutter his way through five seasons of terrific television. In fact, as lovable as Calista Flockhart was as Ally, I always wondered why they didn't just call it "John Cage." 


I will admit that this show made me feel somewhat bipolar. I'd be laughing hysterically one minute, and sobbing my eyes out the next. But I think that's the culmination of excellent writing and a great ensemble cast. I never understood the "great fall of Robert Downey Jr." until I watched him as the adorable Larry Paul. It makes me even gladder that he's back in the biz.


For your viewing pleasure, here is a slightly fuzzy video of the famous "Barry White" dance.






#2) Battlestar Galactica


This is a recent addition to my list. I avoided it for years, mainly because I was still mad at SyFy for cancelling Farscape. So, in true Abby fashion, I boycotted. I'm not sure what possessed us to watch it. We were really bored one day, flipping through the Netflix queue, and my husband said, "Why don't we try Battlestar Galactica? I've heard it's pretty good." 


So we did.


And we watched the entire series in a matter of a month. 


Any free time that we had was spent either watching the show, discussing the show, obsessing over the show, or dreaming about the show.


We had entire conversations picking apart the cast, speculating on who was Cylon, and who was not. We found ourselves interjecting "frack" and "oh my gods" into our daily vernacular. I decided, in short order, that I desperately want to be as cool as Starbuck when I grow up. 


We sat on the edge of our seats through every episode. We picked up our jaws from the floor countless number of times. And when it was all said and done, we began forcing BSG on our unsuspecting family and friends.


Here's how the conversations go:


A or B: "Did you watch Battlestar Galactica?"
Unsuspecting friend/family member: "No."
A or B: "OHMYGODS YOU.HAVE.TO.NETFLIX.IT.NOW! NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!


So, reader, I ask....have you ever seen Battlestar Galactica?


NO?!??!?


Well then, here's a quick taste of what you're missing. I had to look all over for this, but it's a trailer that gives you all the info without revealing any of the storyline. Man. It makes me want to watch it all over again!!! (Yes, I'm giddy like a child over sharing this with you. So much so that if you can't see the video embedded below, go HERE.)




Battlestar Galactica - Epic Series Trailer from Tom Howard on Vimeo.

#1) Only the best TV show in the creation of TV, ever....Buffy the Vampire Slayer


Ok, if you thought I was excited about BGS, prepare yourself. Because as crazy as I am for those mother-frakkin' toasters, I will always and forever be an honorary Scooby.


What can I say about BtVS? It came on the scenes when I was still a wee young thing. I watched with my high school girlfriends, and we all fell in love with David Boreanaz. 


(My husband does a great "Abby Watching David Boreanaz on Screen" impression. It goes something like "<HUGE SIGH> Angel...." But he was too much of a poo-head to do it on camera for me today, so you'll just have to take my word for it.)


Let me put it this way. If Joss Whedon--genius creator of Buffy, Angel, Firefly, and the amazing web series "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog", and director of the greatest episode of Glee, ever...


Ok, wait, that was a really long sentence.


Let me start over.


If Joss Whedon were a magazine, I would have a subscription. If Joss Whedon had a fan club, I would be Vice President (because I'm pretty sure Jenna would be President.) If Joss Whedon started a cult, I would join. If Joss Whedon told me to drink the Kool Aid, I would DRINK THE KOOL AID.


Are you with me so far?


There is nothing that I don't love about Buffy. I love the characters. I love the zombies. I love the fast-paced, witty dialogue. I love Xander, I love Willow, I love Giles, I love Anya. I adore Angel. 


But my real love affair is with Spike.


SPIKE!


*Swoon.*


I've decided that I'm going to have to do an entire BtVS blog later. Because I'm probably losing you at this point. I can force feed you my favorite lines later. For now, I'll leave you with the best musical number from my favorite episode, "Once More With Feeling." (Ok, so the whole episode is the best musical number, ever, but this one is very, very, very short.)






What you should take from today's blog is this: No, I'm not a spaz. Unless we're talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or Battlestar Galactica. Or Spike. 


SPIKE!


*Swoon.*