It's Been One of Those Weeks

Jury duty, road construction outside my front door, annoying customers who make me want to claw my eyes out...


Yeah. Forget Calgon. Captain Morgan, take me away.

Yes, PLEASE.

When I have weeks like this one, I oftentimes imagine what it would be like to have superpowers. The ability to become invisible would help. Perhaps the gift of flight--I could be in the Keys by noon.


But I still think if I had to choose one superpower over all the others, I'd choose Mario's fireball ability. And here are my top five reasons why.

Top Five Reasons Why I Wish I Could Shoot Fireballs Like Mario (as in, the Plumber. Not Batali.)

Reason #5: I'd always be invited to birthday parties.

Who needs matches when you've got fireballs?

Reason #4: I'd become imperative in the off chance there was ever a major blackout.

My precious. MWAhahaha...ahem. Ooh. Sorry.

Reason #3: I could melt stuff. Any kind of stuff. Especially the kind of stuff that really annoys me, like my work phone. 

Pew Pew Pew Pew...

Reason #2: I could use my fireball ability to singe the eyebrows of customers (and Bowsers) who infiltrate my lair and yell at me for no apparent reason.

It's always the shorts ones you have to watch out for.

And finally, Reason #1: I could finally live out my life long dream of being Buffy's sidekick in the next apocalypse.

Take that evil zombie. {insert witty retort via Joss Whedon here}

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

It never matters the context. Whenever I hear or see the word "zombie," I immediately start singing the song by the Cranberries.

Not that I actually know the lyrics, but I can pretend.

You know: ♪♫ ZOMBEEEY, ZOMBEEEY, ZOMBEEEY EY EY EY EY, OH OH OH OH...♪♫

Sigh.

My OCD Takes a New Form

I have a confession to make. For those who know me personally, this won't be too much of a shock. For those who don't, prepare yourselves because you probably won't see this one coming.


My husband and I are gamers.


Ok, I know what you're thinking. But, honestly, we're not gamers like this (*per se):

*unless there's a new Sims 3 expansion pack...

We're gamers like this:

...minus the young, thin, hip part.

We have a Wii, a PS3, and an XBOX 360 with the Kinect. We also have volumes of games for our computer.


Now, there are gamers out there who make it their life's ambition to make it to Lever 89 Mage. While we think that's a perfectly entertaining way to spend an evening, we're not members of the Blood Legion Guild. 


We just want to beat the New Super Mario Brothers game.


Now, I told you all of that so I could tell you this:


It occurred to me just the other day that the way I play certain games only proves my theory that I have OCD. 


(It also just occurred to me that you, reader, may not be a gamer. I *promise* this post will be funny if you just keep reading. If that's not enough incentive, I *promise* I'll give you Donnie Wahlberg's phone number at the end of the post.)


So, we recently began playing Dragon Age 2, and once again, as I created my character, I chose the following attributes: 1) female, 2) dark, short hair with blue eyes (duh), 3) warrior class, 4) wields one large weapon requiring two hands.


HOW does this explain the OCD theory, you may ask? Simply this: when it comes to killing beasties, I prefer to take them down one at a time. It makes the game more satisfying to me than, say, casting spells that cause damage on every foe. I'd rather mow them down one at a time. 

Sometimes while singing a little ditty.

This concept is similar to my complete enjoyment of opening Paint, filling the entire space with a single color, and spending the next 20 minutes happily erasing all the color. (I'm not crazy. It's zit-popping, scab-picking, picture-straightening, odd-number-loving fun.)


Another game we've played in the past is a game for the Wii called Animal Crossing: City Folk. The concept of this game is not important. What you need to know is this: it takes place in real time, so if you start playing at 2 pm, it's 2 pm on the game. Also, every single day there are fruit trees to be harvested, flowers to water, and most importantly, weeds to pick.

One little, two little, three little weeds to pick....

Some people play to collect all the stuff.  Some people play to maintain friendships with their neighbors. Some people play to harvest a ton of fruit. 


I play to pick the weeds.


Serious. OCD. Contentment.

The game I'm most fanatical about is the Sims 3. I've been addicted to this franchise since college. Seriously addicted. As in, when the last expansion pack came out, I played so much I did this for my husband:

And an artist is born.

If you've never played the Sims, I'm so sorry. Surely, you've heard of it. If not, here's how it works: you basically create a character, or a family of characters, and live out their lives. You order them around, deciding such things as whether or not they can go to the bathroom, or wet their britches. 


Again. Fun.


The OCD aspect of this game for me: you can assign your Sims a certain number of traits. If you want to play as a slob, you can assign your Sim the "couch potato" trait. If you want to play as Charlie Sheen, you can assign your Sim the "insane" trait. 


Regardless of how I plan to play the game, there is one trait that I never, ever go without.


The "Neat Freak" trait.


Why? Because it means I now have the ability to clean EVERYTHING. Who needs a maid when cleaning the toilets, taking out the trash, and wiping the counter tops is SO SATISFYING???

Oh wait...you missed a spot.

There is one game, though, that you're probably thinking is the obvious choice for an obsessive-compulsive individual such as myself. But I just can't play it. It drives me bonkers. Literally, I've been known to throw things.

Because leaving behind even one dot is NOT an option.

(I KNOW I *promised* to give you Donnie Wahlberg's phone number at the end of this post, but, sadly, I don't have it. Hence why I used asterisks. However, if YOU have his phone number, you'd be my new best friend if you'd send it to me. Thanks. Also, thanks for reading this post.)


Photo Sources:
Serious Gamer:  http://www.gamertell.com
Normal-Looking Gamers:  http://scrapetv.com
Female Warrior: http://www.platformnation.com
Weed Picker:  http://animalcrossing.wikia.com
Sims 3 House Wife: http://sims.wikia.com/wiki/Cleaning 
Mrs. Pacman: http://www.mahalo.com