My Favorite App Has Been Linked To Porn-A Soap Box Rant

Are you guys on Vine yet?

If you're reading that sentence with a blank stare, let me fill you in. Vine is an app owned by Twitter that allows you to send short, 6 second videos to your Twitter and Facebook feeds. Creativity is a must!! So you know Vine has my name all over it!!

Not really. Just figuratively. 

Anyhoo, best bloggy pal, Laverne, introduced me to it Saturday in a series of Tweets. And since I installed the app, I haven't been able to stop playing with it.

So naturally, I was saddened when I turned on the news this morning and saw that people are using Vine to make 6 second pornography. 

To that I say, REALLY??

There are a million zillion other things you could be filming, and you choose to film THAT??

If you've never used the app before, one of the things that makes it unique is that the videos loop, similar to an animated gif. With that new knowledge, and the word "porn" in your head, I'm pretty sure you now have a good idea of why this is a problem for my shiny new favorite app.

I guess I'd be lying if I said I hadn't shot at least one pornographic video using Vine. But, it was FOOD porn, so I think that comes in under the radar as "safe viewing for children."





I also used it to show Donnie Wahlberg that I'm digging the new single by the New Kids, called "Remix."




I marked the grand occasion of finishing my novel with a Vine video, just seconds after typing the last sentence.





You can even use Vine to wish your friends Happy Birthday, just like I did for pal Ray this morning!





So to all the weirdos who are trying to tarnish my new favorite social media toy with their sexy escapades, I say STOPPIT! Don't ruin the fun for the rest of us! Try shooting videos of dandelions blowing in the breeze, or your kids playing in the snow, or kittens sleeping in a puddle of sunshine! Because the rest of the world does not want to see your kibble-n-bits on a six second loop every time we log into Vine.

And I hope the rest of you won't be scared off from downloading this app, because it really is terrific fun!! Come join me on Vine today! I promise I won't record anything that will make you go blind.

The Wahlberg Obsession Continues...

If you're new to the blog, I'd like to welcome you to my Donnie Wahlberg obsession. In case you missed it, here's a quick recap:


It all started way back in 1988, when I became one of a squillion New Kids on the Block fans. Fast forward through 12 tons of New Kids paraphernalia, making out with Jordan Knight posters, and summer evening concerts to the tune of "Step by Step," all the way to the summer of 2008. The New Kids reunited and released the album, The Block. And I was immediately reverted back to a squealing, overly-excited tween.


My childhood crush on Donnie Wahlberg steadily grew into a full-blown obsession. In February of 2011, AbbyGabs was born, and the Donnie Wahlberg obsession became a blog phenomenon. It all started when I wished for a do-over button -- and with that one mention of my secret celebrity boyfriend, we were off to the races. 


Donnie started cropping up in my blog on a regular basis. First it was just in reference to my general adoration for him. Then came Twitter. Hearing from him on a daily basis sent my obsession into orbit, resulting in blogs about Donnie dreams I was having, and maintaining my marriage while quietly stalking him on Twitter. 


Finally, in my most recent brush with fame, the object of my obsession began following me on Twitter. And with that opened can of worms, the Full-Blown Comprehensive Donnie Wahlberg Campaign began. 


In the last few days, my Twitter stalking of Mr. Wahlberg has taken on a feverish pitch. For example, on Tuesday evening, Donnie tweeted the following:

(For those unfamiliar with Twitter, the most recent post is at the top. Which means, for it to make sense, read the last post first.)

Never one to let an opportunity to pass by, I tweeted the following responses:

And for your viewing pleasure, the profile pic in question:

You're Welcome.

At some point yesterday, I realized that my stalking has turned into a full-blown hobby: I stalk him from my phone to the point of draining the battery every day by 3:00. When my phone battery dies, I stalk him on the laptop until THAT battery dies.

And let's not talk about how often I'm sitting at the desktop. On Twitter. Reading Donnie's tweets.

But  the saddest part of it all: despite the fact that my husband knows about my Twitter Stalking, and even though I TRY to keep that stalking to a minimum when he's at home, I still find myself drawn to the computer to see if Donnie's online...even when Brian is here.

Which inspired me to make the following short film. Enjoy.

(Can't see the movie? Go here: http://youtu.be/IFF37qKqN54)

Twitter Milestones

Meet Kristin.

And her 2 girls, Allison and Emily.

Kristin is my bestest friend from Blogland. We have never actually met in person, or even spoken on the phone, but when I first found myself on Kristin's blog, "My Art and the Mom in Me," I knew I'd found a kindred spirit. She's a crafter, a fellow Etsian (her shop, ArtByKristin, is a must see), and she laughs at my jokes (a requirement of all my friends).

Our friendship bloomed through comments, then emails, then Facebook and Twitter.  We support each other's Etsy shops (Kristin owns a pair of Simply Charming earrings, and I own a beautiful glass collage she made just for me). Rarely do I post a blog that Kristin doesn't comment on, and the same goes for me. 

While we've never had the pleasure to meet in "real life," I have a sneaking suspicion that if we ever got together, it would be an afternoon of coffee, laughter, and the best kind of girlfriend time you can imagine.

So, yesterday, Kristin blogged about an adorable Tinkerbell pinata she made for her daughter's upcoming birthday. As is my usual blogger M/O, I left a comment.

I expected a chuckle, and a witty comeback. I thought we'd share a laugh and move on. But about 5 minutes later I got a message on my Facebook profile from Kristin.

Yes, that says 34 comments.

It all started innocently enough...just two friends cracking jokes, being silly, sharing an amusing conversation...

But when you play the Twitter card, things get serious. 


In a matter of milliseconds, it went from tweeting screen captures of our Facebook conversation to hashtags, compulsive Wahlberg stalking, and a full-out Donnie Pinata Campaign.

Before you knew it, Kristin had started using the hashtag DonniePinata, and we were off to the races. Our objective: get permission from the man himself for use of his picture on my birthday pinata (as long as I promised not to dent his face.)


I campaigned my little heart out, hoping for a smile, a twitter hug (Donnie's fans know them as TWUGs), or just some small token of recognition from my favorite New Kid...

Kristin was right there by my side, at one point pleading with my Favorite Tweet of the Day:

This one made me snort. Seriously.

UNTIL.....

In the midst of our Donnie Pinata campaign, Donnie started tweeting. My response went something like this:

OMG OMG OMG. Donnie's online. RIGHT NOW. OMG OMG OMG OMG. *tweet tweet tweet TWEET TWEET FURIOUSLY TWEETING*

 Between the two of us, we managed to tweet about 47 times in approximately 30 seconds. And as I was in the middle of tweet #48, I looked up and, to my utter amazement and delight, I see this:

HOLY. FREAKIN'. COW.


My heart dropped into my stomach. I stopped breathing. My hands got really sweaty. And I will admit it to you, dear reader...


I just about peed in my britches.


And then....

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I took my glee with me to Facebook:

Let's not even talk about the 138 text messages I sent to my husband.


The truth is, I'll probably never meet Donnie Wahlberg. As much as I want to, I'll probably never get to see the New Kids on tour or go on one of their summer cruises. I know I'm one of a squillion girls who Twitterstalk Donnie to the point (I'm sure) of frustration. But that he took a second out of his busy, glamorous life just to click "follow" under my name....


Well, that just makes me love him that much more.


And the best part of all this? My pinata isn't even HERE yet. Who KNOWS what will happen when I actually get it!


Did I mention he was my 101st follower? Right...that was the other milestone. One hundred followers on Twitter. But it seems less important, in the grand scheme of things.

PS: Honey, as much as I adore you, and you know I do, I think this goes in the "W" column for Donnie...

Twitter Confuses Me

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was loved to write. One day, she decided she was going to bite the proverbial bullet and jump into the blogosphere. Her daily jaunts into the internets were entertaining, and kept her busy for hours. She Photoshopped from morn to dusk, and it made her heart sing. Then, one day, the girl decided that, if she wanted the rest of the world to read her blog, she'd have to venture into the world of Twitter, and conquer the world one tweet at a time.


In case I had you guessing, that girl is me. And let me also say, this post may be controversial. Because if I believe CNN, Fox News, Hannah Montana, and the rest of the world, Twitter is apparently the niftiest thing since the internet was invented.


I don't get it.


See, when I first joined Twitter, I was all like, "OMG! I'm going to go follow every single person who's famous that I like, so I can see what they do all day! Hooray!"


And off I went, skipping and singing and turning cartwheels, and proceeded to follow 200 people who don't know me from Eve.


Are you familiar with that famous party question, "If you could invite anyone to dinner, alive or dead, who would it be?"


Well, somedays, logging onto Twitter feels like the answer to that question:

Yea, I follow Sesame Street. Don't you?

There are a handful of celebrities that I follow on a stalker-ish basis. I'm amazed at how well they utilize Twitter...the hashtags and the twit vids and the bubble tweets and the ability to always know what's trending. Everytime I post something and tag a celebrity in it, I always wonder, "Do they see this? Do they read it? Do they care?"


I also wonder, from time to time, if the celebrity in question is really the one doing the tweeting, or if some baked-out grad student is being paid in peanuts to do the tweeting. 


But still, when I log into Twitter and begin reading what all these people, famous and not, have to say, I feel my mind filling with white noise. There's SO many people. So many opinions. Not all of them are mine. Not all of them are interesting. Most of them aren't funny.


And yet, I stand on my Twitter platform, and tweet all about my blog, and my life, and my day-t0-day life events. I try to keep my tweets humorous and entertaining, and I never tweet things like, 'Gee, I'm so bored." or "I just washed my underwear!" I try to remain engaging, funny, witty, sarcastic...all the things I try to pump into my blog on a daily basis. 


I can say that I have a wider variety of followers on Twitter than I do on any other social media networking site. People I don't know have somehow managed to find me, and follow me, and even follow my blog. So that, as far as I'm concerned, is a major plus in the Positive Attributes Associated with Twitter column.


But I can't help but feel like my tweets are being lost in the wind. 

Perhaps I need to hire a baked-out grad student to make my Twitter account soar. 

Random Things I Often Wonder About

I spend a lot of my free time pondering life in general. (One: because my job is just that boring and I have plenty of free time to do so and Two: it helps me come up with stuff to write about.) I find myself wondering about a lot of random things, like what the marshmallows in Lucky Charms are REALLY made of, and what it would be like to see the world from outer space.


I think part of that comes from being a naturally curious person. Most of it comes from being a writer, though, and always trying to think of a new topic to write about.


A friend of mine from college, Dave, sent me a question on FB this morning about just such a topic. So I decided to turn it into one of my favorite "list" blogs.


Random Things I Often Wonder About:


#1 Why can't the criminals on Cops have thought bubbles?
Go ahead and deny it, but I won't believe you. EVERYBODY watches Cops. And each time the guy gets pulled out of his vehicle, sporting the "I Didn't Do It, Officer" t-shirt with that bewildered (or is it stoned?) look in his eye, I always wonder what he's thinking when he sees that camera.


"Oh, crap, Mama's gonna kill me."
"Oh, crap, that guy I owe a lotta money is gonna kill me."
"Oh, crap, my wife is gonna kill me."
"Did I brush my teeth today?"
"HOORAY! I'm FINALLY gonna be on Cops!"


Wouldn't the show be THAT MUCH BETTER if they somehow electronically added thought bubbles???


#2 When did speaking like an intelligent person go out of style?
I miss words like "nonetheless," and "ergo," and "furthermore." I crave the opportunity to use words like "indubitably," "consequently," and "inasmuch as." And don't get me started on how exhilarating it is to use the word "hence."


The sad thing is, when I use these words around most people, I get a look that much resembles this:

Don't we miss speaking as though we have brains? Don't you find it refreshing when you can have an entire conversation with an individual without them using the word "like" a hundred times? I miss words.


#3  A train track is 300 miles long. On one end of the track, Train A leaves the station at 4PM. On the opposite end of the track, Train B leaves leaves at 6PM. If Train A travels 45 mph and Train B travels 60 mph, when will they meet?


#4 Are those tweets really from Steve Martin/Ashton Kutcher/Donnie Wahlberg? (For all you Donnie fans, you're welcome for the link.)

Anytime I see a tweet from a celebrity I always wonder...is that REALLY them? Or is it some sad publicist who's only job is to make stuff up to tweet for that celebrity.

Granted, some of them are pretty obvious. I don't think anyone would EVER willingly take pictures of Danny DeVito's feet, even if they were being paid a substantial salary. It just goes against human nature. So I'm betting Danny's tweets are real.

But the tweets from Anderson Cooper? Really, pal? Aren't you somewhere embedded deep in the wilds of Afghanistan covering the news? Don't tell me that, while you're ducking into a cave to keep from being blown up, that you're whipping out your smart phone to tweet about it. Seriously, Anderson, we worry. Tweet when you get home, ok?

And the one Dave asked me about today, #5: Whatever happened to those email surveys that were so popular before FB/Twitter took over the scenes?

I honestly don't know the answer to that question, Dave. But, for nostalgia's sake, here ya go.

What would you do if?

You got a visit from your favorite celebrity: ie, Donnie Wahlberg? I'd scream like a tween, leap into his arms, start sobbing the words to "Cover Girl" with intermittent shouts of words like "LOVE!" and "HOT!" and "MINE!" Then I'd spend the next 10 years apologizing to my husband.

You won 500 million dollars: You mean, like gold at the end of a rainbow? That's easy. I already answered that question in this blog.

You found a wallet on the ground: I'd pick it up.

Your date throws up on you: I'd throw up on him right back.

You witnessed a murder: Pee my britches, run for the hills, create a fake identity and move to Paris.

You were stranded on an island with nothing but the ability to make one phone call: I'd call a genie and ask for three more phone calls. And a boat.

Facebook and Myspace both shut down: Myspace? What the hell is Myspace?

A random dude offered you candy: I'd eat it. Duh.

You lost your favorite thing in the world: Donnie???? NOOOOOOOOO!

You got invited to be on a reality TV show: Is it a show where I get to meet Donnie Wahlberg? If so, I'm in. If not, and it's more like an eating worms and jumping from great heights show, I'm out.

Someone shaved off your eyebrows: The word "Bitch-Slap" comes to mind.

You got a phone call from the President: First, I would be stunned. Second, I would be silent, trying to figure out why he'd call me. Third, I'd probably get nervous and say something stupid, like, "Whassup, Barack? How's it hangin'?"

You had one wish: Do I really need to answer that question, after all the Donnie Wahlberg references in this survey? I think not.