The Tortoise and The Hare (And the Smart Phone)

It wasn't that long ago that I was writing love letters to Verizon and my shiny new Droid 2 Global. In fact, if you could have painted a portrait with me and my Droid, holding hands and walking into the sunset together, it would have been an apt and 100% accurate portrayal of how I felt about my phone. I was in love.

But, as things sometimes go, my relationship with my Droid has fallen on difficult times. Yes, I still love its sleek design. Yes, I adore its ability to keep me linked up to the world when I'm AFK. And yes, I long to touch its keyboard with unbridled passion. 

Ok, I'm starting to freak myself out. Time to switch metaphors.

You see, it comes down to this: My Beautiful, Capable, Super-Fast, Super-Elite Droid has, in a matter of 17 months, become Old, Slow, and Obsolete. I'm a 4G girl living in a 3G world. And this saddens me deeply.

I need my social media apps on my phone to work. And for the past 2 months or so, any time I try to open one, I get this:

Ten minutes, twelve curse words, and one frustrated blogger later, and guess what....all I can see, STILL, is this:

To say it's infuriating is only a slight understatement. I've tried everything I can think of to lessen the load on my Droid---deleted apps I don't use, removed photos of stuff I don't need, bribed it with shiny things and money---and still, my phone is slower than Methuselah. 

Things That Are Faster Than My Droid:

Truly, if being slow was the only problem I had with my Droid, I might try to make peace and move on. But it freezes on a regular basis--to the point where I'm now removing the battery at least twice a day to reset it. Due to its regular removal in order to reset the phone, the back panel that keeps the battery inside won't stay closed. And do we even want to talk about the battery life?? I have to charge my phone THREE TIMES A DAY. Yes, I use it a lot. But that's just ri-donk-u-luss.

And so, even though it's been an epic one, my romance with Droid is surely coming to an end...

In October. When my contract is up.

Sigh.

Thursday Grab Bag

I have a couple of things on my mind I'd like to share today, but none of them are profound enough for an entire AbbyGabs. So, I've decided to make it a Grab Bag Post. Shake it up and take your pick--you're getting three whole topics today!


First and foremost, I'd like to promote myself share an exciting opportunity with you! As you know, I sell jewelry on etsy (if you didn't know that, I guess you missed the giant BUY MY STUFF store gadget immediately to the right of this post, and the tab that's dedicated solely to my entrepreneurial status) and I'm proud to also be a member of the South Carolina Etsy Street Team. In fact, I'm an administrator of the team! I spend a lot of time writing blogs, writing the team newsletter, and putting together promotions to get our team noticed. 


Well, dear reader, we're having a superbly-awesome promotion right now, in the form of a contest! If you like to win cool stuff, this contest is for you. It's really easy to enter, and you can win cool stuff. (Have I said the words "easy" and "win" enough yet?) Seriously, if you participate in this EASY contest, you will WIN prizes. 


Honestly, everyone who participates (and follows all the rules correctly) wins a shopping spree with participating team shops. WOW! You can also enter to win the grand prize, which is a basket filled with goodies donated from some of our team members. It is currently sitting in my crafting closet, and let me tell ya, there are a number of things for the basket that I wish I could keep for myself. The loot is THAT GOOD.


So, visit our team blog, read all about how to participate, and jump right in. Alternately, if you don't have the time or inclination to enter an EASY contest where you can WIN awesome prizes, feel free to pass along the link to anyone you think would enjoy the game.


Okay, topic one, DONE. Onto topic two.


*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *     *     *     *


When I dreamed up the concept of AbbyGabs, my main objective was to allow myself to be creative.


The other was to finally indulge myself in my favorite secret hobby.


NO! Not that....

Photoshop.


Never did I imagine that my Photoshopping talent would ever be realized, even touted, by a fellow blogger. Especially not my favorite blogger, Alex from Late Enough. (She really is my favorite--I even have her button at the top of my Blogs I L♥ve list.) But yesterday, when she put out a request for an awesomely Photoshopped face band aid, I immediately felt the need to assist.


Plus, I got to use Photoshop. Which I love to do. A lot.


So, venture on over to Late Enough and see my Photoshop awesomeness as it is being featured today on her blog. (My father-in-law is going to be SO JEALOUS!!!)


Ok, onto final topic of the day.


*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *     *     *     *


Technology is a wonderful thing. I have a serious love-affair going on with my Droid 2 Global. Seriously. It's almost as serious as my not-so-secret crush on Donnie Wahlberg, but not as serious as my Photoshop obsession. Let me set up some framework for this story...


This isn't my first smart phone. I'm ashamed to admit my first smart phone was a Blackberry. (Feel free to throw things at me now. I deserve it.) It almost ruined my smart phone experience. I actually had THE conversation with my husband leading up to the upgrade that changed my life.


You know, THE conversation about wanting to switch back to JustAPhone.


Eesh. I can't believe I ever felt that way.


Anyway, back to my Droid, there is absolutely nothing that I don't love about it. I love the shiny blue cover, I love the interface (which is SO easy to use), I love the apps (especially Mahjong...WORD), I just love, love, love it.


I even love the challenges that Swype presents.


For those who don't have a phone with a touch screen, I'm so sorry. Also, Swype is a new way to input text. You don't have to punch every single letter---you "swipe" your finger from the first letter of the word, into each letter of the word, until it is complete. 


It is awesome.


Although, I will say, the auto correct is challenging. 


What do I mean by auto correct?


Well, if you aren't 100% precise on the word you Swype, the software guesses what word you were going for. Sometimes, it gives you several options of what it thinks the word might be. Other times, it just puts a word in place for you, whether that's the word you meant or not.


As a writer (and therefore a proofreader/editor/obsessive compulsive spell checker) I cannot STAND to send anything that isn't punctuated properly, with the correct capitalization, and spelled perfectly. Don't even get me started on missing apostrophes. I don't even tend to use those trendy text abbreviations (except LOL....I picked up LOL in college and it still plagues me to this day.)


So, I spend a lot of time correcting the auto-corrections.


But, it's challenging. Fun, even. I've gotten my fair share of chuckles at un-edited Swyped text.


For instance, here is a faux text message that I would never have sent because it has WAY too many typos, hence why it's "faux."


Get babe. I was hoping roy could pick up sime milk on the eat home from class house. We te ritually out. Also, grt sime confab cheese for dinner. I thought e had sime but as out turns out, we doing. Thanks! Hope you had a super fantastical dst!! Love, your spend wife


It's a good thing there's not a red pen nearby. I can tell I'm going to have serious problems publishing this. (Grinding my teeth isn't helping.) Ok...pushing forward.


First of all, who the hell is roy? Also, does anyone have a definition for confab cheese? Because apparently, I'm ritually out of it. 


Oy vey.


What this text message should say is this:


Hey babe. I was hoping you could pick up some milk on the way home from class today. We are totally out. Also, get some parmesan cheese for dinner. I thought we had some but as it turns out, we don't. Thanks! Hope you had a super fantastical day! Love, your sweet wife


(OCD pressure gage now going down....)


One day, I'm going to write an ENTIRE entry of AbbyGabs with Swype, and then leave it up to your interpretation. Now THAT would be a hoot.

Verizon Wireless--The Cell Phone Company of Champions

My husband and I have been very happy and satisfied customers of Verizon Wireless for about 7 years now. Every time we get to upgrade to a new phone, we get a little giddy. It's got something to do with gadget envy...I'm not sure everyone suffers from that ailment, but we have it in spades in our house.


About 2 years ago, I became the proud owner of a Blackberry Curve. It was my very first smartphone, and I was THRILLED with it. Beyond thrilled. There may have been dancing. This phone was my faithful friend for 18 months. We went everywhere together, and I spent hours updating my Facebook page, looking for recipes, checking my email, and sending text messages. It was a match made in heaven.

This is your phone.

And then....

This is your phone on drugs.

My phone was taken over by tiny gremlins. 


Ok, so, I can't PROVE that there were tiny gremlins in the phone, but it started ACTING LIKE there were tiny gremlins in the phone. First, the track ball started acting possessed. I would tell it to click on Item A, and after clicking, it would shift to Item B and choose it instead. THEN, it started freezing. First once a day, then twice...until eventually, I was having to take the battery out three or four times a day just to get it to work.


I put up with this for about 4 months before saying anything to my husband. Why? Because I loved my Blackberry. And I love Verizon. And I'm not one to rock the boat. Usually.


Then the gremlins started messing with my head. One morning, I got the cheerful alert that let me know I'd received an email. I unlocked my phone, opened the messages icon, and, lo and behold, the date for the day was February 6, 2057.


Heh?


I was Back to the Future for a few days before finally breaking down and telling my husband that I was desperate for a fix.


(PS: Click on that link. Seriously. It's hilarious.)


So I said to my husband, "Let's take it to Verizon and see if the Powers that Be can fix it!"


When I mentioned that my Blackberry was breaking my heart, and I was worried I was going to have to put her down, lots of friends came forward with advice and warnings.


"They'll never let you upgrade early, unless you threaten to switch companies!" Kellie said.


"Make sure you get a guy. Then you can flirt, and they'll TOTALLY let you upgrade early!" announced Ariel.


"Best of luck...they're sticklers about the whole "upgrade" process. You may have to complain to customer service!" Tammy offered.


So, off we went to the Verizon store. Best case scenario, they'd give me a new phone and I'd be on my merry way. Worst case scenario, I'd have to wait until April 5 to do my upgrade, like usual.


So we signed in. I explained my problem. B and I perused all the shiny new phones, and I dreamed of the day when I would have one of my very own.


And then..."Ms. Abby?"


I turned, and there was Luke. My hero. My savior. My Cell Phone Guru.


I went through the problems with him. He laughed at all the appropriate moments, we bantered like old friends, and somehow, in that small 10 minute window, a kizmit connection was made.


Luke disappeared for a few minutes, and came back to tell me the best of all good news.


No, he's not going to buy me a house. He's not Oprah.


But...


"Ms. Abby, they're going to go ahead and let you upgrade to a new phone early!"


The skies opened up, the sun streamed down, and angels sang on high.

My New Droid 2 Global. No gremlins, only fat adorable angels.

And so, though I'm sad to lay my Blackberry to rest, I'm thrilled to the bone with my new phone. The customer service we received was spot on, and I dare say, we even enjoyed ourselves while at the store. Luke will forever go down in history as "Best Verizon Guy EVER," and all my faith in Verizon has been restored.


Thanks to you, Verizon, there's a new love in my life. (No, not the fat angels. The Droid 2 Global.)

It was Love at First Sight.

**Please note that Verizon did not pay me to write this blog. This is a true story, based on my personal experience, embellished adorably with photo-shopped pictures and commentary. Perhaps you've had a different experience, and for that I'm sorry. My response to that complaint: You need Luke. He's the bomb diggity.**