It's 2011 Already....Where Are the Flying Cars?

Remember when you were eight, and you'd watch The Jetsons and wonder what it would be like to drive a flying car to work everyday?


NO?


Seriously, you didn't watch The Jetsons?


Well, I did. And I'm slightly perturbed that it's 2011 and we don't have any of the nifty inventions we were promised.


So here's my list of gadgets, contraptions, and brainstorms that would dramatically make my life better. Someone find a scientist and let's get busy.


#1. A Free Car Store


I saw an ad in the paper the other day: "Labradoodle Puppies---Free to a Good Home." Now...imagine if you could apply that same concept to purchasing a vehicle.

It would be like Christmas everyday!

Wow. What a concept. People would still have to pay for insurance and up keep, but imagine the world we would live in if people didn't have to drive around jalopies until the wheels fell off just because they couldn't afford a better, newer (greener, more fuel efficient) car. Wow. It's not world peace, but it's a start.


Plus, I could finally afford a car for myself. That would be the gold star on top of an A-plus paper.


#2. Mandatory Vacation

You've been working like a dog all year. You can't take anymore vacation time because you already took a week for Johnny's wedding, and another week when you came down with the mysterious monkey flu. But man-oh-man, could you ever use a vacation. Somewhere warm. And tropical. Where there are no cubicles/fluorescent lighting/nonstop ringers/annoying co-workers. What ever will you do??


Never fear, Mandatory Vacations are here! Now, built into your schedule, is a mandatory 2-week, all-expenses-paid vacation to wherever you want to go! Jamaica, Alaska, New Mexico! Take a cruise, take a hike, take a lover! It's the best invention since sliced bread!


#3. The Star Trek Transporter, Realized


Dear Geordi LaForge,


Please, oh please, oh please, won't you put down your book and come visit us in 2011? We would REALLY love to have a Transporter now. I REALIZE that it's not going to be invented until Dr. Erikson gets around to it sometime in the early 22nd century...but we've been awfully good, and we'd like to take our Mandatory Vacation in Las Vegas without having to fly coach in a cramped, smelly airplane. And since you were my favorite character in Star Trek: The Next Generation, I'd really like to meet you anyway. So, you coming to the past to install a transporter in my living room would really kill two birds with one stone. Also, it would be super-neat.


Thanks so much in advance,
Abby

Best TNG character, ever.

#4. Television you can stream (a-la Netflix) with NO RESTRICTIONS!


I have to admit, Netflix really has a lot going for it. In fact, I'm in LOVE with Netflix. I really think it's terrific. The only thing I can suggest is that they take the whole "stream shows and movies right to your TV" thing to a different level by allowing me to stream WHATEVER I WANT (no restrictions, please.)


I streamed the hell out of some Battlestar Galactica. I watched the entire series in less than a month. Now THAT'S how to watch television. Don't harass me with commercials and waiting a whole week for the next episode. 


That's for sissies. 


If I want to veg out and watch 20 hours of Gilmore Girls, then I should be able to do that. Don't make me wait for the DVDs in the mail!! (WHINE.)




And (you really didn't think I'd leave this one out did you?) #5. The Jetson's Flying Car

See ya on Planet Zorgg, 2062! ZOOOOOM!

My St. Patrick's Day Wish

Ah, Saint Patrick's Day. A historical, monumental day for the Irish and their kin. St. Patrick was the Patron Saint of Ireland, and on March 17 every year, we of Irish decent don our green, raise our beer mugs, and celebrate Patrick and all he stood for.


But seriously, if you want to read all about the history of Saint Patrick, you'll have to go elsewhere. Because today's blog is all about the FUN part of St. Patrick's Day!

Slainte.

You see, I'm as Irish as they come. Seriously. Slap an O' in front of my maiden name, and you'd think you'd just met the founder of a popular Irish pub in Dublin. We are proud of our Irish heritage, and so, we celebrate St. Patty's Day with gusto.


My St.Patrick's Day wish this year is to FINALLY find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.


(Ok, yes, I know...that's a bit far fetched. But let's pretend it's the equivalent of winning the American lottery.)


You see, if my math is correct, and this website is telling the truth about how much 1 ounce of gold is worth...and a decent sized pot holds about 500 pounds of gold....


We're talking $20 Million American Dollars.


(Seriously, just go with me here.)


And if my St. Patrick's Day Wish were to come true, here is a list of things I would do with my newfound wealth.


First of all, I would dance a jig with the leprechaun who led me to the gold, because that's how sure I am that this will EVER happen.

You would dance a jig, too. Believe me.

Then, I would do the practical thing, and sit down to make a list of all the things I'd want to buy.


First, I'd take care of the responsible things: pay off our student loans and our medical bills.


Blah blah blah, adult-type stuff is over. Now it's time to have FUN.


First point of business: quit my job. And try not to dance a jig in front of my boss.


Then: I'd buy a house. Preferably this one. (Sorry, current owners, you'll just have to pack up and move. Don't worry. I'll introduce you to my Leprechaun.)

Don't worry, Mom and Dad. We'll build one for you on the next island over.

Once I'd secured a new, fabulous, tropical place to live, I'd start buying vehicles for everyone. Dad wants a Chevy HHR, Mom wants a Subaru Outback, Brian wants a Chevy Camaro...I'm not sure Adam wants, but I'd get him whatever he asked for. Then it would be my turn, and I'd buy a Chevy Volt. It's green. Not just environmentally green, but I'd have to buy a green one in honor of my Irish gold winnings that purchased said car.

Give credit where credit is due, I always say.

Of course, I guess if we lived on that island, we'd have to leave our cars on the mainland. That just means we need a boat, too.

Yep. Yacht=more jig dancing.

Once our homes are purchased and our means of transportation secured, we can FINALLY take that whirlwind trip to all the places I've dreamed of visiting....




World traveled, yacht docked, cars stored, we'd venture back to our gorgeous seaside manor and relax. And I'd invest the rest of my gold in rugby, potatoes, and Guinness. And we'd all live happily ever after...


...if my St. Patrick's Day Wish were to come true.

My Husband is a Lurker

Usually, when I write my blog, my husband is not at home. He's normally in class, or off bringing home the bacon.


But these past few days, he's been on spring break. Which means when I sit down to start my blog, he's here. Which is WONDERFUL on so many levels....except one.


Here is an example of a conversation like we've had every morning since Sunday.


B: So, what are you going to blog about today?
A: I'm not sure.
B: Really? Do you need some ideas?
A: Sure. What have you got?
B: You could blog about the cats. Or music. Or you could blog about me. Tell them how great I am.
A: Funny. Ha ha. Really, though, I love your ideas. I actually already know what I'm going to write about today, but thanks for the ideas.
B: Oh yeah? What are you going to write about today?
A: You'll see.
B: Can't you just tell me?
A: No, because then it wouldn't be as funny.
B: Yes, it will.
A: No, it won't.
B: Yes, it will. Why wouldn't it be funny if you tell me first?
A: Because you won't have all the visuals I have planned. I want you to experience it like a reader, not like my husband.
B: Ok. I'll wait. (pouty face)


Thirty minutes later, and I'm totally in my Photoshop groove. Music's going, pictures are cropped and red-eye reduced, and I'm looking for graphics I can use for the day. Then I hear...


B: Are you looking at pictures of Richard Simmons?
A: Yes.
B: Is Richard Simmons going to be in your blog today?
A: Maybe.
B: So THAT means you're going to be writing about weight loss, right?
A: Perhaps.
B: Unless he's going to be helping you wash your face. Or maybe he's going to meet Manny? That's IT! Richard Simmons is going to wash Manny's face, right???
A: (Sigh.)


Forty-five minutes later, my Photo-shopping is done. Funny pictures are resized, cropped and saved, and I'm ready to get my writing on. Just when I'm concentrating on the perfect pun, I hear...


B: Hey, pretty lady. I love you.
A: Aw, thanks sweetie. I love you, too.
B: No, I really, really, REALLY love you.
A: I really, really, REALLY love you, too.
B: I love you to the moon and back with a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.
A: No take backs. (Smile.)
B: Really?
A: Really.
B: Sweet. So....what are you blogging about today?
A: Honey...
B: Ok, ok, I'll stop. I'll leave you alone now. Just tell me when you're done, ok?




A few minutes later I hear footsteps in the kitchen behind me. Followed by a very manly snicker. And when I look over my shoulder I see this:

Yes, he's adorable. And he's very smart. Sometimes....I might even tell him what the blog topic for the day is going to be.


Maybe if he sings to me, I'll tell him.


And I LOVE that he's so into my blog. I love that he looks forward to reading it everyday. It makes me so happy when he shares it with his friends, or puts it on Facebook. I mean, he's supportive in every single way, so I'm not surprised. He really is the most wonderful husband on the planet. (No, you can't have him. He's mine. All MINE!)


But you see, I know he's not reading this as I'm typing it. And I get to look forward to his reaction as he reads it. So in a way, making him wait isn't just for him, it's for me, too.


Just now:
B: Wow, babe. Those keys are really banging away. I guess you found your muse for today's blog."


You bet I did, honey. And it's YOU! 


Today's post is dedicated to my husband. The Lurker.

Failure Is Not An Option....Unless It's A Reality

I'm a proud person. There are LOTS of things that I'm really good at, and I'm not afraid to tell you all about them. Need me to write your resume? SURE, it'll rock the casbah. Are you looking for some hints in the kitchen? Let me give you my favorite recipe. Of COURSE I remembered your birthday, and sent you a card and a present, and wrote you on Facebook, and tweeted in celebration of your birth. You say you need a recommendation for a good book? Here, visit my personal library and take your pick.


Seriously. I'm that good.


I was also born with the gift of expression. Mom says you can read me like an open book...which is great under most circumstances, unless I'm giving you the stink-eye for cutting me off/throwing cheese/being stupid.


See, having an expressive face is really important to me. I like being able to convey the emotion of the moment with a particularly poignant look. For instance, here are a few of my favorites....

Happy Abby.

Pouty Abby. (Want cookies? Use this face.)

Abby Pondering. (Hmmm...what should I blog about tomorrow?)

One word for this one, and it's AWWWWW.

This is my "Don't Mess with Me or I'll sue" face.

Sleepy Abby. (Or drunk Abby, depending on the circumstances.)

See? I am the Expressions Queen.


But there's one expression missing from my repertoire. One expression that even my husband can do effectively. One expression that I practice for HOURS in front of a mirror, and still cannot master.


It pains me to admit this.


I cannot do the "move-your-eyebrows-independently-of-each-other-like-The-Rock" facial expression.


You know...

Please don't tell me you can do this. It will make me feel more like a failure.


My inability to make this face brings my husband great joy. Especially because he rocks it better than Dwayne.  We often practice the face together...and he always laughs at me. A lot. Loud, long, belly laughs.


So this post, and the following video, are for his enjoyment. If you find enjoyment out of it, that's just an extra bonus.


Practice makes perfect....unless you're trying to perfect The Rock Eyebrow.







If you're one of my email subscribers, and can't see the video, go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M9HePl_Oi0  (PS: I love you, thank you for subscribing to my blog! You're my favorite people on earth!!)

Monday with Manny

Hello, boys and girls! It's time for another adventure with our friend Manny, the Meerkat! This week, Manny's wanderlust took him to Waxhaw, North Carolina!

♪♫ On the road again... ♪♫

You, dear reader, may wonder why Manny would visit Waxhaw, North Carolina. Well there are LOTS of reasons. It's one of the oldest towns in Union County, it's extremely picturesque, and there's a railroad track that runs right through the center of town. 


Also, our friends Jenna and Reid, and their son Jacob, live in Waxhaw.


That's the most important reason.


A few weeks ago, we got an invitation in the mail to attend Jacob's 1st birthday party. When Manny heard about it, he packed his bags and sat by the door patiently, waiting for his chance to meet our college roommate and her family.


It takes us about 3 hours by car to get to Jenna's house, and Manny wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to take the wheel.

Thank goodness for cruise control.

After a few close calls with the median, a traffic cone, and an eighteen-wheeler, Manny noticed that we were getting low on fuel. So we directed him to the nearest gas station, and taught him all about pumping gas, inflated gas prices, and the importance of finding alternate sources of fuel.

Gas...fumes....are....awesome....

Finally, after the long three hour trek, Manny got to meet our favorite Waxhawian, and best college roommate ever, Jenna.

It was love at first sight.

Neither of them were disappointed.


After a quick snuggle-fest, Jenna put Manny in charge of greeting guests. He was granted a place of honor, next to Jacob's teeny little birthday cake. 

Good thing it was a strawberry and not a grub worm on top, or Jacob's cake would've been in danger.

There was food and cake and laughter. There were presents in the form of a drum kit, a swing to hang in the tree outside, a keyboard in the shape of a cat, and a family-sized blow-up pool for summer fun. 


When the guests had finished off the cake, the candles had been blown out and all the wishes made, they all began to make their way back home. And Manny finally had some bonding time with Birthday Boy Jacob.

"Mrrpph."

 Mr. Jacob was enthralled with our friend, Manny. And Manny, ever the fun-loving Meerkat, was as good of a babysitter as you can imagine. He was hugged, kissed, squeezed, tossed, and ultimately, hung upside down by his toes.

He even assisted in some ear-wax removal.

After a thorough half-hour play session, Jacob was whisked off to beddy-bye. And Manny enjoyed a refreshing adult beverage.

(And maybe a Zoloft...)

A few hours later, and Manny was back in South Carolina, enjoying the snug blanket he calls "burrow." Stay tuned for Manny's next adventure, coming soon!


Manny would like to thank Jenna, Reid and Jacob for inviting him to take part in such a momentous occasion. Upon meeting Master Jacob, Manny has decided that March 13 should be a national holiday, and he is taking it upon himself to start a letter-writing campaign. If you are interested in helping us institute a National Jacob's Birthday Day, please write to your Congressman-or-woman. Thank you.